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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sweet lime and tangerinesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Hecate
    Elite Ratio:    5.01 - 28/30/14
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1177
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1419



    Description:
       More redemption than full-blooded passion


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssweet lime and tangerinesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sunset on a beach in California
    is the only thing I can write about today.

    Rage-filled and obstinate, lonely and guilty,
    I search for the poem that will make you sorry,
    I search for that perfect alliance of sounds and syllables
    you cannot slink out of understanding.

    But still my fingers keep flying over the keyboard
    composing stanzas about sunset
    on a beach in California.

    Under the last light of the sun
    mirrored by deep green waves
    in the palm of a hand composed
    of sea, sand, cliffs, and endless sky,
    there is no need for
    forgiveness.

    And although
    you probably stopped reading
    at the first sentence,
    halfway across the country the sun in sinking down to sleep
    over a pearl necklace of beaches
    in that state of citrus and salt water.

    As long as our Copernican planet
    keeps turning like a woman tanning on a towel,
    here, to let Africa get a little light,
    here, to America,

    As long as the phoenix sun falls in love with the sky every morning,
    I can rotate on my own axis.

    I let gravity spin me like the ballerina
    that George Melitonovitch Ballanchine dreamed of.
    Always turning my face towards somewhere beautiful:
    wet sand,
    cool water.




    Submitted on 2010-01-05 17:53:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      rage, sadness, that's what readers want to read...they want to see us at our worst, and then they can say our writing is at its best.

    they live to watch our torture..

    kind of ironic...for me anyway...

    often when i am in contented state of mind, i will drift into poetry that is full of sorrow, rage, ugliness..and my friends will read it and ask if i am okay...when really it was just poetry...we use old feelings, old pain to write now..like an actor using old emotions to emote for a sad scene...

    actually i was just wonderful..feeling good and creating..

    but then...when i write something about love, romance, happy...then they ask me about my new relationship..when often there is not one of those either.

    but this poem got to me...it reminded me that happy poetry is harder to write...sad poetry flows much more easily.

    i really like your writing..the sonnet seemed a little forced into form for me...but then i'm not fond of focusing too much on form for a poem...to me it will override the feelings the poem might convey if the piece is less contrived...

    these other three of yours are unique..and full of emotion..
    thanks for the reads.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Stumbled upon your page when your "name" caught my eye....being a huge "Macbeth" fan, I couldn't pass up having a look at writing by Hecate...

    Love this piece...especially the way you "tease" the reader...starting out with a calm image of a California sunset, then bringing in the strong emotions of rage, guilt and loneliness...and then right back to the California sunset....yes. Very effective.

    The cyclical imagery is nice too..."like a woman tanning on a towel.." Making sure all sides become equally sun-drenched....and the ballerina spinning, looking for that beauty as well....

    Nice write. Glad I found your page...
    | Posted on 2011-06-04 00:00:00 | by rubie | [ Reply to This ]
      I find it particularly frustrating when I am in a sorry, low-down, suck-ass mood, and a beautiful poem pops out of it, about something entirely other than...

    And I hate when I write something that is veiling something horrible, and people say, oh how WONDERFUL you ache and bleed on a page! Oh how wonderfully you suffer for our enjoyment!

    Not that I think you're suffering much, mind you... but a terrible mood and a wonderful poem, and a "OH THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL" isn't what I find the happiest comment.

    I like what you were writing, between the sunset postcard cover skin your poem veiled itself in. I understand it much better than a california sunset anyway... and its certainly more real and felt than a postcard.
    | Posted on 2010-01-06 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      i get the feeling you are recycled you, you who i already know... and then again not so much.

    also don't trust the archaic pudding pic.

    it seems a bit young keef before he found out it was cool to walk with a gimpy leg.

    so, yeah... i'm watching you, and will take a look at your other stuff.

    | Posted on 2010-01-06 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      This is interesting.

    It has a certain depth, but then also nonchalance, as if it was seemingly easy and each word and its meaning clicked directly in your heart.

    It is a beautiful piece, and i am still wondering quite how you did it.

    Well done
    Chandler
    | Posted on 2010-01-06 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont know if this ends where i thought it would or not.
    i was half expecting the ending to be some kind of covert slap in the face of the person for/of whom this piece was constructed...

    but it doesnt seem to be.

    it seemed to me that you found a better way of being. a better thing to focus on. a better way to see the world. realisation perhaps that you could sit round trying to make this person see things the way they are and see themselves for who/what they are or you can find yourself and the way you work and realign yourself with your axis once more.

    i think this is a beautiful piece.
    i like the way you assume the intended reader has stopped reading and never got any futher than the first line as if there have been many pieces before this piece and its all a bit of a joke now... you know?

    i really like this piece.
    i havent seen you round much in the last forever... its nice to read your words again
    | Posted on 2010-01-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    181708

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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