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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: DAFFODILSdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: 5secondsforme
    ASL Info:    19/M/Brazil
    Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 6/14/12
    Words: 201
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 849
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1190



    Description:
       Please read in southern accent or tone lolz...I intended it to be somewhat funny and yet alittle romantic... I'm not sure I got it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDAFFODILSdots
    -------------------------------------------


    So he asked her, a question not difficult, not complicated but a question that he knew would only be best responded by her, “Sarah...whats your favorite flower?” yeap, that was it, simple, romantic and detailed he asked her for her flower and as always Sarah wowed him with her response. “Daffodils....I just love daffodils, that pretty color they come in is just so special, I sure love them flowers, they like no other...but more then daffodils I adore Snapdragons, those sure are some fun little things, they looks they's got mouths. Hahahaha....Oh and even better theres be them orquids, what strange flowers those are....comin in all shapes and sizes.... and theys got some pretty colors too I tell you.....If I could pick just one of those flowers....oish it'd a be pretty hard but I guess in the end it would come back down to them daffodils.....woiii them shore be my favorites, that bright yellow just kills me!” thats what she told him and that was enough, he'd buy her daffodils until she couldnt blink without seeing yellow, he'd buy her them daffodils just to see her smile, them daffodils that he'd buy would be for her heart coming straight from his.




    Submitted on 2010-01-07 12:53:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it was the title 'Daffodils' that brought me here. i was not expecting anything like william wordsworth's, 'i wandered lonely as a cloud', but it seemed quaintly old fashioned for a young male writer...so i was intrigued.

    then there was your suggestion to read it with a southern accent. (i am afraid that it is impossible for me to do this, even with all my Texas connections..sorry) hell, i didn't even know that you could get daffodils in southern usa.
    i have lots of them growing in my garden in england , wales is full of them, the walls and banks of the city of york is ablaze with them in the spring, but i have never seen them growing in houston or in pensacola. but,
    since reading this, i have done some research and have now discovered the texas dafodil society [http://www.texasdaffodilsociety.org]
    and the 'allegedly' best kept secret in east texas. helen lee's daffodil garden !
    [http://www.daffodilgarden.com/daffodils_home.htm]

    so that was a pleasant surprise,
    and i am now educated in such matters!

    i thought your piece of writing was very sweet and a touch sentimental. which i can see could be considered to be quite romantic. there is nothing wrong with romance. indeed, it is very nice to see that it still exists in this world. i cannot help but wonder how he is going to afford to buy daffodils all year, since they are very seasonal spring flowers. perhaps he will have them flown in. i also find his naive belief that he can win her heart with bunches of yellow flowers rather optimistic. i should hate to be the one to tell him that it does not exactly work like that.

    i am sure that a great deal of your creativity and efforts have gone on trying to construct a dialogue in southern drawl, so i am not able to gain the full benefit of your work..... but i am happy to see that Runes, who is an expert on this,
    has given you lots of positive feedback, and that can't be such a bad thing !

    j
    | Posted on 2010-07-04 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you for your feedback, you are completly right about he fact that english is not my first language and I have very little contact with southern accents, I was inspired originally by the movie BIG FISH in which she says she likes daffodils and he fills a field infornt of her university with them. The accent part came from simple imagination and your suggestions are well recieved and I truely thank you for them. PLease fel free to comment on any and or all my submissions for I take them as constructive critisism and I enjoy all complimenting. If you ever wish to rp please tell me so and we could possibly make something very interesting. Once more, THANK YOU.
    | Posted on 2010-01-07 00:00:00 | by 5secondsforme | [ Reply to This ]
      Ummmmm... I know you're from Brazil. So I'm going to smile :)

    You definitely do NOT have the southern accent down, but I will say, you're half-hitting some... Black south, mind you, about 50 years ago? but still could use some work on that. How you'll do it I don't know... I know nothing of Brazil. What kind of research, I mean.

    Ok, with that aside, I really did like it. Somehow, I really found it quite enchanting despite the accent thingy... and I think it was the parts that you got right of it that made that happen, so I'm not saying, lose the idea. Or to lose that style of it. And definitely, don't lose the flowers... or its beautiful simplicity.

    Do you guys get the Beverly Hillbillies re-runs over there? Ellie Mae would be a good study... lol, but I'm quite serious... (Forgive my ignorance on cultures, I'm just a suthern gurl with a dee-fensive atty-tude for the way we all talk here and the way ya'll make fun of us for it).


    PS: I'm not changing words, just a comma placement on the first part:

    So he asked her a question, not difficult, not complicated, but a question that he knew would only be best responded by her, ....


    That would make it start flowing better... it is a little disruptive at the beginning... to me, at least.

    Overall, again, I liked it.


    PPS: God, I'm obsessive, I'll stop I swear, as soon as I suggest "answered" instead of "responded"... ok, leaving now, I swear...
    | Posted on 2010-01-07 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


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