Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I like her buttdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 589



    Description:
       I wrote this in about 10 minutes after listening to my wife read some poetry to our son whil helping him with homework. Talk about inspiration


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI like her buttdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her butt did wiggle it jiggled sublime
    A sensuous sashay that compells my mind
    A tenuous line painted down her cheeks
    Captures my stare, I could watch it for weeks

    Those delicate curves, so supple yet taut
    I hunger to touch, but heed my second thought
    To follow such vision with blinded ambition
    As mesmerized by a Pied Pipers rendition

    My action is swift, fluid and grand
    I reach out to fill my voracious hand
    A retailitory response, her action attacks
    A boxer's parry, two real hard smacks




    Submitted on 2010-01-07 17:57:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is terrific. As the female in the situation I can totally appreciate how you are still checking out your wife, post child, makes it so much sexier, so endearing.
    | Posted on 2015-09-28 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      i found this very pleasing...colorful, playful....

    one suggestion for the beat..it works all the way through except second line/ second stanza...

    i would just suggest taking out "my" isn't necessary and seems to keep in the flow better without it...

    just thoughts

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-26 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounds like a nursery rhyme. Very fluent, nice. This kinda word play makes me wanna write like....its just catchy, but its something I could never do.

    Lol, such "inspiration". Sometimes I like staring at certain parts of my womans body too >.> She's be talkin to me and id be sitting there lookin and then when she finishes id say something like, "....yep" then shed say, "you didnt hear a word I said did you?" lol She knows what i was doing.

    Nice work man.

    lol onions make me cry...weird.
    | Posted on 2011-06-06 00:00:00 | by MidnightSun89 | [ Reply to This ]
      onions make me cry
    | Posted on 2010-01-13 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    181760

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry