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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stone Foxdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1468
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1127



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStone Foxdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You sit
    smiling inside
    the globule of truth,
    bleeding through the crack
    in the aged wax that keeps
    my conscience tame,
    pointing at the roses
    smeared on my feet.

    Crowding overtones
    of faded greys
    and forgotten songs
    amongst things lilac
    and tangerine
    I compress
    to form my frail
    knotted ladder
    of escape,
    a continuation of you,
    unjaded and short lived
    with happy eyes
    and relaxed shoulders.

    I run to the edge
    of solitude's crest,
    always finding you there
    painting rubies with smiles
    I cannot afford.

    You dance with the phoenix,
    Invulnerable and distant
    as silence inevitable
    between guilty lips,
    haunts me.

    My silent war,
    a red carpet
    of crushed glass
    I dance upon
    to watch
    the cracks grow,
    setting you free...

    Time is a stone fox
    running away from us.

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2010-01-09 08:08:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the centred lines. Lineation is important, and this format switches off some of the problems with it that a poem like this doesn't need!

    The journey through imagery that evokes emotions is exciting; but if I am supposed to hang that on some story, and if the story is in the poem, then I don't get the story.

    Poetry has has a spirit that's above stories; but very few readers are.
    | Posted on 2012-02-06 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      This might seem obtuse but this reminds me of dreams caused by some of the succubi I've encountered . The surreal images caused by a lot of the metaphors and analogies you use are like guilty daydreams about her beauty . A stone fox of a siren whose allure is almost irresistible yet whose image seems almost unobtainable . Did you say father time sent her to you . Yes that might help explain her dance with the phoenix , leaving me contemplating resurrection . I may be way off the mark here but thats my understanding of it when contemplating the revelations the images incur . Like father time has sent you a coquettish succubus to tease your fidelities and remind you of the fleeting nature of existence .

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2011-06-19 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      there are so many good images in this...

    i see an analogy between time and a woman..each of which we cannot tame or catch or slow down...

    we want to capture the good moments with each, toss away the bad and watch them shatter like glass...but we have no control over either...
    we are left with forgotten songs and the scent of time, that was once the woman we thought was ours...

    it reminds me of that saying.."if you love something set it free"
    perhaps it will come back to you....and perhaps even time might in certain moments...replay the history of happy events in our lives...

    nice write...am going to read more of you...glad i came across this...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-08 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i havent commented anything in a couple weeks cos im a bum. or actually because im back at work again, um working again. tho thats why your benefiting (too much black coffee and now too energectic to sleep when i should) oh and i like your poems. thats probably a bigger part of it.

    i wish you would specify what sort of comment you would like. unspecified is very vague.

    onward, to the piece!

    im familiar with the phrase "stone cold fox" from one of the 80's brat pack movies some where but i can't connect the phrase to a sort of meaning. lemme google.

    done.
    according to urbandictionary.com its 70s slang for an awesome, foxy, and solid lady/gentleman.
    makes sense.tho does not apply to the piece i dont think.

    "You sit
    smiling inside
    the globule of truth,
    bleeding through the crack
    in the aged wax that keeps
    my conscience tame,
    pointing at the roses
    smeared on my feet."

    First off through out i like your line breaks. it adds just the breath of natural pause that gives the reader enough time to digest the meaning of the words. Globule. a word havent seen outside a dictionary in a long time if ever. The Globule of Truth. strong phrasing. Over all stanza builds an image, this past love/person, sitting sweetly inside a red droplet, leaking through the barrier of your mind, reminding you of all the beautiful things that grew between the two of you. Its unique and the again the phrasing is strong.

    "Crowding overtones
    of faded greys
    and forgotten songs
    amongst things lilac
    and tangerine
    I compress
    to form my frail
    knotted ladder
    of escape,
    a continuation of you,
    unjaded and short lived
    with happy eyes
    and relaxed shoulders."

    All the colored descriptions specifying different memories, remind me of the images from an mri scan tracking brain activity on a monitor, the bright colors your memories of that once-upon-a-time-some-one-specia. Remembering the person at a youthful time of meeting, before things got jaded or complicated. it connects to the stanza before it nicely.

    "I run to the edge
    of solitude's crest,
    always finding you there
    painting rubies with smiles
    I cannot afford. "

    On its own these few lines are lovely, touching, just delicate and beautiful. its the moment that you indulge in remembering and thinking of them and most the time, thinking of some one youre not with, is a very big mental expense, something so priceless that leaves you feeling broke and in debt.

    "You dance with the phoenix,
    Invulnerable and distant
    as silence inevitable
    between guilty lips,
    haunts me."

    This is the one part that leaves me questioning, and not in a wondering/pondering the meaning of life good kind of way. but just in bewilderment. all though the rest of the piece is dramatic in diction and very focused on this individual and your own thoughts' attraction to him/her. This is something else, an encounter. where the rest before it is in the subconscious, this is active, but the phrasing is even more abstract. its just darn confusing.

    "My silent war,
    a red carpet
    of crushed glass
    I dance upon
    to watch
    the cracks grow,
    setting you free..."

    Again a little more distant from the subconscious inner battle i had painted from the before stanzas, that hit a speed bump on the third, with physical description seeming out of place, but now...maybe it was a stepping stone towards the reality of what is? is this a more artful way of describing the present relationship with her/him as walking on egg shells about each outher and slowly hinting at the distance between y'all? i think i might be catching on now.

    "Time is a stone fox
    running away from us."

    Foxes are fast, stone is permanent, so time, artfully personified is quickly and permanently running away or out for the troubled couple.

    i supposed this was an interpretation. i enjoyed teh read very much. correct me on anything i might have gotten mixed up.

    keep writing,
    Ash





    | Posted on 2010-01-19 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      "I run to the edge
    of solitude's crest,
    always finding you there
    painting rubies with smiles
    I cannot afford. "

    thats lovely.


    and i feel exactly like this today. today was a very good day, but i cant get all the bad of it out of my mind. and its getting worse every moment.

    i hope you feel better. -with hugs.
    | Posted on 2010-01-13 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. It's like the Good Side and Dark Side of people... and coming to grips with it being combined. I also like the part,

    Crowding overtones
    of faded greys
    and forgotten songs
    amongst things lilac
    and tangerine

    lilac and tangerine... pretty. People forget how oddly orange gives depth to things, especially when contrasted against something else.

    I know when I break glass, I feel like demons are flying out of me with every shatter. Sure, it's a [censored] to pick up later, but at least it's all out of me for a little while.

    | Posted on 2010-01-10 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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