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    dots Submission Name: "Fractal fire" The title isnt confirmed dots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 851
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 998

       This took almost a month to write because it kept on shifting its form in my head, I guess thats what happens when the person who inspired it goes by the last name "Muse" and she was dancing...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"Fractal fire" The title isnt confirmed dots

    They say
    silence is golden
    but this is no time
    for apathy

    because she's dancing again
    air becomes excited

    You know there's a fire
    she's concealing
    kept hidden from herself

    I look to
    her eyes
    to feel it burning

    And in that moment
    my walls

    because shes dancing again
    the room becomes electric

    You know there's a pattern
    shes weaving
    constant but never the same

    I close
    my eyes
    to feel it shifting

    And in that moment
    my true self
    is bare before her

    Because she's dancing again
    my pulse triples

    You know there's a fire
    she's concealing
    I long to see set free

    I look to
    her eyes
    to feel it burning

    And in that moment...

    Submitted on 2010-01-11 22:13:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      yeah baby.

    super use of repetition here and this is all about the spark that set it burning, blazing carving up the sky.

    so observed and articulated if you follow so that there's a delicious mix of wanting and yearning, as well as adoration, and in the mind's eye she is beautiful and wholly sensual.

    | Posted on 2010-01-13 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      and in that moment
    they say silence is golden...
    this piece could loop on forever
    she could keep dancing
    and the electric could keep doing its circuit
    and i would have no idea whether
    it was a good thing or not...

    its wonderful to see you post.
    i really have missed you.

    what i like most about this piece is the way you keep kinda flicking like a current/pulse back to her dancing... like when youre drunk and telling a story but always keep emphasising the least important parts... like when youre distracted and trying to explain something but keep wandering off and having to bring yourself back with the last thing you said...

    and in that moment...

    you leave it for the reader to work out i guess.
    me... i just keep looping it right round
    until im tired i guess and then i'll invent some kind of ending involving electricity and her dancing i suppose.

    yup. i like it.
    | Posted on 2010-01-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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