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    dots Submission Name: Like choking on diamonds.dots

    Author: Razor2TheRosary
    ASL Info:    24 - f - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 238/127/51
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1199
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 879


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLike choking on diamonds.dots

    Lipstick smeared across your mouth has never looked so pretty.
    Feet chained to a balcony that overlooks the city.
    Holes form in your dress beneath midnight's swirling violet haze,
    but misery is colorblind on most irreverent days.

    We always want the overcast
    of diamond-studded mist,
    the coffin lined with velvet, pearls,
    and shackles on our wrists.
    We're curling blood-soaked eyelashes
    as vanity insists,
    urging burlesque tragedies to
    distract from what we've missed.

    Smoke sifts through the railing from cigarettes like illusions.
    Detriment is glamour with your face veiled by contusions.
    Still you welcome anyone who will fill that void with gore.
    Makeup is as useless as throwing glitter on a whore.

    Submitted on 2010-01-11 22:54:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This little post is more ouchy feely than touchy feely, as if the entire purpose of life is to distract the masses from realizing that they've missed the purpose (or at least pickled their synapses to sidestep growing up, growing, out, and growing beyond). Just my thoughts on yours.
    | Posted on 2013-12-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Not sure I get the entire meaning but you have some great lines and the sound of it flowed pretty off my tongue. Also the poem in a poem is neat. Almost gothic-like and eerie. I can picture someone standing on the edge of a too tall balcony, contemplating whether to jump.

    "urging burlesque tragedies to
    distract from what we've missed."
    -- good stuff.

    Powerful. Start to finish.

    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by kre8ive1 | [ Reply to This ]
    The best way to describe this would be to copy&paste the poem itself, which in other words means that I found this poem to be full of excellent imagery that is darkly amiss. As an underground-world feel to it, or maybe it is a world right beside us, we just tend to avert our gaze.

    What particularly caught me was the cadence though. Don't have a critique to give.

    | Posted on 2010-01-12 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      Ah yes! Nikkki lives! Good to see you are back in action, I love gore, this is toned down from your usual blastsbut elegant in a sort of way. Haha I just put gore and elegance in the same sentence buhaha! Ok no seriously I loved it. First stanza feels disjointed from the body of the piece somehow (kinda decapitated ) but ither than that I enjoyed!
    | Posted on 2010-01-12 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      last line is ouchly powerful.

    the middle section is well constructed... i like the way it changes pace/tempo... kinda like the way franz ferdinand changes completely in their take me out song... you know?

    im not so excited about the content of the poem but thats just me... blood and gore and horridness puts me off anything in life... i never watch those kind of movies either lol. im just a chicken i guess.

    but yup. super.
    and the last line kicks arse... ouch.
    | Posted on 2010-01-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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