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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Grandmadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insanegemini
    ASL Info:    18/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.33 - 24/50/56
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 643
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1311



    Description:
       I wouldn't say this one of my best poems, but its kinda from the heart....im not sure how something can be "kinda" from the heart, but....i dont know tell me what you think and if you have any suggestions on how to make to better.

    thanks :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGrandmadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ha, I could say
    Warm cookies
    Sweaters knitted with love
    Turtle dove
    And laced up gloves
    But that would be a lie
    All of the above
    Is a mask
    To hide what is really boiling in the flask
    As a child I adored you
    Got down on the floor for you
    Sit down on the shore with you
    Shop at the wondrous stores with you
    But then one day
    It hit me
    Like some cliché
    You are deceitful
    And most defiantly not full
    Of compassion
    You are selfish
    With a heart dark and ashen
    All alone you are
    Pushed every one afar
    Most that know you
    Will admit that it is hard to like you
    Avoid eye contact as they bike past you
    Make stereotypical conversation
    About the weather with you
    I cannot say that I do not love you
    For you are my blood
    No matter how much I shove
    We will always be tied together
    Like fibers of a rubber glove
    I’ll put up with your gray barley stew
    And turn a blind eye to your hypocritical taboo
    As for much more
    Let us keep the score
    Quite even
    Let not things get deep
    But allow the depths of you shallowness
    Exceed us all




    Submitted on 2010-01-14 17:47:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i would leave out the "ha" in the first line...

    check spellings.."definitely" not "defiantly"

    and some tense changing that is awkward...

    but really ...there is impact here...she is my grandmother, and is family so i do love her...well, i love my sister too, but doesn't mean that i like her or that she is a caring person for others...

    she gives you every reason not to like her, yet you stick by her...even in this piece which resonates with sarcasm towards her...

    some of the phrasing could be smoother..

    i know this is pretty straightforward...but this is a rant..rhymes pretty nicely and is stream of consciousness..so i buy it...

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      The main reason that I'm stopping by to comment on this is purely a hidden gratification that someone out there wrote about real grandmothers. Thanks for making my time worthwhile with this piece. I understand and sympathize with you...just know that if you are lucky enough have her around until she is ancient, there are plenty of nasty nursing homes that fulfill are the karma they have coming to them.
    | Posted on 2010-01-26 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]


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