Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: only timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 261



    Description:
       eh


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsonly timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    baby would you be mine its crazy but your so fine baby would you be my love and one and only time
    how much do you want this ill give you everything and if its not enough then you aint shit cuz im for real and you are it all my heart is all i have to give




    Submitted on 2010-01-15 15:44:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i would try baby you would be mine
    it sounds crazy but your so fine
    would you, baby, be my one love
    for only one time
    i know you want this more than i know
    and i would give
    and if thats not enough i would lay it all down
    cuz thats how much i love you
    i love you
    i love you
    and thatt is all a have to give...
    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok to start with.. too short. You have to learn to express a little bit more when you are writing poetry i have to say...
    structure it a little bit more i guess? I see you try to get rhythm into the poem, but i guess what you need is less focus on the rythm and more focus on the writing.
    keep it up though .. would love to see a re-write.
    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182011

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Outlaw
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry