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    dots Submission Name: only timedots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 617
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 261


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    dotsonly timedots

    baby would you be mine its crazy but your so fine baby would you be my love and one and only time
    how much do you want this ill give you everything and if its not enough then you aint shit cuz im for real and you are it all my heart is all i have to give

    Submitted on 2010-01-15 15:44:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i would try baby you would be mine
    it sounds crazy but your so fine
    would you, baby, be my one love
    for only one time
    i know you want this more than i know
    and i would give
    and if thats not enough i would lay it all down
    cuz thats how much i love you
    i love you
    i love you
    and thatt is all a have to give...
    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok to start with.. too short. You have to learn to express a little bit more when you are writing poetry i have to say...
    structure it a little bit more i guess? I see you try to get rhythm into the poem, but i guess what you need is less focus on the rythm and more focus on the writing.
    keep it up though .. would love to see a re-write.
    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]

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