Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: only timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 602
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 261



    Description:
       eh


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsonly timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    baby would you be mine its crazy but your so fine baby would you be my love and one and only time
    how much do you want this ill give you everything and if its not enough then you aint shit cuz im for real and you are it all my heart is all i have to give




    Submitted on 2010-01-15 15:44:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i would try baby you would be mine
    it sounds crazy but your so fine
    would you, baby, be my one love
    for only one time
    i know you want this more than i know
    and i would give
    and if thats not enough i would lay it all down
    cuz thats how much i love you
    i love you
    i love you
    and thatt is all a have to give...
    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok to start with.. too short. You have to learn to express a little bit more when you are writing poetry i have to say...
    structure it a little bit more i guess? I see you try to get rhythm into the poem, but i guess what you need is less focus on the rythm and more focus on the writing.
    keep it up though .. would love to see a re-write.
    | Posted on 2010-01-15 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182011

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Records I written by Raphael

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry