the beginning of this piece is especially catching... it really brought me in to read some more. The english is alright, don't think you need to change any grammar. However, i do think that by the end of the poem you drifted off...
in the fourth stanza (unloving
Bruised & Battered Soul
Worst of ALL WEAK)
you've chosen a whole lot of the right words, but i think there would've been a better way to put them.
The end of the poem is not particularly clear.. though it adds an effect where it kept me thinking after i was done reading.
anyway, keep up the good work i might read more of your works.