Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: True Selfdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Depressed
    Total Views: 598
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 974



    Description:
       Wrote this 1/27/2008 just found it let me know what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrue Selfdots
    -------------------------------------------


    These bags under my eyes
    Tell a story of loneliness
    My warren down feet
    show others just how tired I truly am
    This limp body completes this story that had began.

    Only being human
    Nothing More, Nothing Less
    I am not apart of the super-natural
    I am not one of those with special abilities
    I have my flaws as the majority do

    They seem to be coming out from behind closed doors
    as time progresses
    Now more than anything,
    I am seeing the true side of myself

    Unloving
    Impatient
    Bruised & Battered Soul
    Worst of ALL WEAK

    Too weak to believe things can get better
    Too broken to believe I have any great qualities
    More than this... the inability to Love... For I was never taught how to love...

    Simply fight for myself...
    Defend myself aginist those whom are taking advantage of me..




    Submitted on 2010-01-16 07:18:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Just because you do not have as many gifts as others does not mean you are not special or even mean something to others.
    | Posted on 2010-10-23 00:00:00 | by Rex Gold | [ Reply to This ]
      the beginning of this piece is especially catching... it really brought me in to read some more. The english is alright, don't think you need to change any grammar. However, i do think that by the end of the poem you drifted off...
    in the fourth stanza (unloving
    Impatient
    Bruised & Battered Soul
    Worst of ALL WEAK)
    you've chosen a whole lot of the right words, but i think there would've been a better way to put them.
    The end of the poem is not particularly clear.. though it adds an effect where it kept me thinking after i was done reading.
    anyway, keep up the good work i might read more of your works.
    | Posted on 2010-01-16 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182035

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Are not cheap (working title) written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Every..... written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Push written by JanePlane
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Summer written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry