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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Disappeareddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Little Gal
    ASL Info:    20 female, Bahrain
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 469/431/94
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 566
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 994



    Description:
       stayed up all night so i wouldnt oversleep for my exam.. wrote this at 5.50 AM my time..


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDisappeareddots
    -------------------------------------------


    It may be lonely sitting here alone.
    Yes, it is quiet.
    Sometime, somehow, the world changed.
    I have no one,
    I am my own.
    Alone, yet never stronger than I was ever before.
    Because; I don't need anyone anymore.
    Or do I?

    I have become a castle,
    with a gate made of iron.
    Yet, hay is what makes this castle.
    Sitting here alone,
    independent.
    I long for someone to be around me,
    anyone at all.

    You were always here,
    you have never left.
    Yet I was always alone,
    I was never allowed to be comforted by your presence.
    If, there was a comfort in it at all.

    The walls around me have become my friends.
    Whilst I became everything to you.
    I became everything for you.
    You started to own me,
    to possess me.
    And I starting to losing who I am.
    I disappeared-
    and I can't find myself.




    Submitted on 2010-01-16 21:57:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      thanks for your comment on Backing Up. Im sorry for the delay in recipricating. i take breaks from ES and coming back its always hard to get back in the routine, getting comfortable commenting other people's work. writing is a public thing but everything i post always feels personal and then coming back there is the awkwardness of critiquing something that might be some one else's deepest thoughts on a page.

    well here i go to do just that:

    You're a fort all to yourself, lots of room to leave your towels on the bathroom floor if you want and you pay the rent to boot. you're grown, independent of all those who or just that one person who tried to make decisions for you. that close person who you were comfortable with, you werent lonely, but you werent allowed to be yourself and have your own space. The metaphor of you becoming a hay built castle with an iron door is almost carried out well. its a little weak on keeping to the over all idea in some spots. but its relatable. i often feel a similar affection towards my mother, shes both a domineering and safe presence in my life. i feel she limits me in the scope of life, but i dont want to not have her in mine, so i make, choke-down, hard to swallow compromises because i love her and well that means more than my independence at the moment, no matter how much i want to runaway.

    thank you for the write.

    Ash

    | Posted on 2010-01-19 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      sleep is not like breathing i agree tired is a factor though don't forget....
    oh and fairly good poem a bit dry weape and interesting about the wall i like when you can interact with the fly on it if one goes and lands and pukes like this all over the wall....
    | Posted on 2010-01-17 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]


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