I have always been fond of the cryptic in poetry and lyrics, with cryptic references, hidden names, etc, embedded in a lot of my own work [for example in "If you see Kay (A Chessberg) or "Orphanell on a Rainy Day"] but more often than not, those references are for my own pleasure and intended to STAY cryptic.
I therefore found this refreshing. I must admit, the formatting made it very difficult to figure out your true intent and Em's critique was a saver. Once I'd understood it, tho, I was very impressed!
i love this. the idea was brilliant. it took me an eternity to figure out what it said but it was well worth it. your words are very very true.
dont ever ever ever change something because someone got pissed off and hated it or whatever else, no one else has to like it. its yours and if you liked it before you heard their nasty comment, then its still just as beautiful as it was before, dont change a thing. haha.
(In advance: This is not, in any way, meant to bash, slam, or in any other way insult Corruptedspirit's post. Their opinion is their own; as is anyone's. I'm just throwing in the thoughts that came to mind after reading the comment that they left.)
"Unlike the other two I am not a fan of this, why take 2 minutes to read a [sentence] that could [have] been read in five seconds.
The end message only that [one] would expect to find inside a fortune cookie anyway."
Why take five seconds to glance over something that, when truly meant, could mean the complete repair of a friendship; the total mending of a broken family tie; the intimate, reconstruction of the foundation of a relationship? It doesn't always work out for the one apologizing; sometimes even meaning it isn't enough to fix everything, but it sure helps.
If I received this "end message" in a fortune cookie it'd be the best fortune I've ever been given. At least it'd be something worthwhile; as opposed to "Riches await you." (I mean really... Riches await me where? How is that a fortune?)
I think the only issue I had with this piece is the font/spacing. (Which is uncontrollable on this website I believe.) With the right font, less space, and proper alignment ("mean" is a bit askew) I can imagine this work to its full potential.
Unlike the other two I am not a fan of this, why take 2 minutes to read a sentance that could of been read in five seconds.
The end message only that you one would expect to find inside a fortune cookie anyway.
The format is horrid, complicated and just not needed. If you do HAVE to write like this, then try something from a bit deeper inside and a bit more heartfelt.
Make the end message you decipher a more appealing one.
Sorry if this seems a harsh critique, but this is my view.
Riddle me this, riddle me that -- I enjoyed deciphering this and enjoy how the title relates to the dangling words of the write. It's a great concept overall, and I think that's what can be taken from it. The words themselves aren't particularly unique, but it works for what it is well enough.
I like when people try different things and go through the many hells of Elite formatting technique.
-Em
Sometimes saying "I'm Sorry" is the hardest when you mean it the most.
I love the idea of this sweety. Absolutely love it.
I kinda wish you put more letters in there, so I could try to pry a little closer to the full meaning though, I'm slightly disconnected still...
Maybe I'm just not that smart though ;)
I get the big picture, I just like hanging on details I suppose.
It's a beautiful big picture though. (Beautiful meaning a great write... and for me personally, kind of a painful openness.)
I think you've unlocked something with great potential. Like a signature write from you. This is the one I'm going to remember most.
Submission Name: An Apologetic Puppet
