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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: FranticCrisis
    ASL Info:    17-Male- New Hampshire
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 4/14/16
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Serious
    Total Views: 444
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1262



    Description:
       eeeeeeeehhhhhhhh........


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Throwing dirt over my shoulder
    Wiping away the sweat
    as the things pass
    And we all get sober.

    Watch the clock tick by,
    As time goes past my eyes
    Weíre all wondering why?
    None of us will last.

    This high has become my life
    And these drugís, my wife
    Alcohol binges,
    Heroin finishes
    Its all fun
    Till the feeling vanishes

    I feel like Iíve been dug into
    The sweet claws of death
    Drugged their way in.
    Iíve lost myself
    At the place that it all began
    Drunk by noon
    High, way, way, before five
    There is something wrong
    Is this all there is to me?

    Gave into the feelings of the want
    And let the healings in of hhheeeerrr-ion
    It all dug into me
    Underneath my skin
    This needles stuck in
    Way too deep

    Dig in further
    Its not worth it till your farther
    Take the line
    Donít take the time to find
    That brand new needle
    Thereís one over there
    Little bloody, but who cares
    Its already been dug in.

    Thereís no helping me against this sin.




    Submitted on 2010-01-18 21:06:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I read your lyrics and they don't really write their rhythm to me, so before I put a real unbiased review down, maybe a little insight into the genre of music you see this piece fitting.

    It could be a rap like eminem, or trance like faithless etc.

    As it stands at words on a page intended for lyrics:

    The first line I'm not sure what you mean here. Maybeit's symbolic of something but I don't know what.

    The rest of this intro, quite nice and shows that you're not in your correct frame of mind, intoxicated by something.

    Next verse/continuation of intro? Not sure but...

    Kind of gives the feeling you are getting older and realising you maybe wasting your life?

    And then the main body and exit of the song gets your point across, and will offend some probably, what doesn't now-a-days. And hopefully if this does ever make past a poetry site on the internet, I hope that it deters kids from choosing this route and not just shows kids another way rebel against their parents or the world. I'm sure it won't but there is always that possiblity when you release things like this.

    So I guess it depends on you as a person and whether you would be strong enough to defend yourself against todays society when you get the complaints and you will.

    I have nothing against this and have many tunes in my libary similar, but I do look at it from both sides and I do have the view myself that most modern day parents are just looking for a way to blame something other for themselves for their inability to control kids.

    Anyway sorry to go off in a random direction there. I read your other post too, and you say that you are better at poems? I'll have a look but be honest I do love music but I am by no means an expert, still I think you have a good foundation here...

    CS
    | Posted on 2010-01-18 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]


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