Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: still not good enough for youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PopRocksRae
    ASL Info:    21/ F/ Heaven
    Elite Ratio:    2.49 - 232/369/355
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 939
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 753



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstill not good enough for youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I don't know why
    why haven't you seen my tears?
    I beg you to notice me still
    even though it's been years

    I want you to say I'm good enough for you.
    why can't you see that?
    I have loved you until I couldn't breathe
    but you never loved me back.

    your brutal honestly hurts me.
    was I never enough?
    competing everyday for you
    your love and your trust.

    was I ever even there?
    did you see me at all?
    you had to I plead.
    but only the wind hears me call.

    micheal I loved you.
    I always thought you known.
    I'm still not good enough for you.
    and that all she wrote.




    Submitted on 2010-01-20 11:37:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      few typos here and there.... but as a critique to the poem itself.. I can relate, honesty can hurt sometimes...
    I like the form of questioning you used throughout the poem .. you didnt say it straight up that you werent seen or noticed or considered "enough" ... instead you wrote it in a question... which sends out the message to the reader... Also, the questions shows me that you were heartbroken by the fact that you arent enough but for all these years (or whatever period of time) you were living in the illusion that there might be a chance or so.
    I think that you worded it out correctly... with the correct method to lure the reader in and keep them thinking .
    | Posted on 2010-01-20 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182167

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry