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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Smiledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aangskate
    ASL Info:    18/male
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 133/117/44
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 524
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 695



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSmiledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your eyes dance,
    Your whole face lights up,
    When you smile at me.

    It drives me mad,
    And when I breathe in my stomach drops,
    When you smile at me.

    Your eyes search mine,
    (Those hazel-green)
    When you smile at me.

    Im locked in your gaze,
    I can't turn away.
    When you smile at me.

    A blind man could read you,
    As your walls disappear
    When you smile at me.

    I'm stunned,
    My head swirls in confusing patterns,
    When you smile at me.

    Smile at me again,
    I don't deserve it.
    But make my heart pound again.




    Submitted on 2010-01-20 15:01:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot. I like the way that you describe everything when they smile at you. Some might say that the repetition isn't necessary, but I think it fits. Not really much for me to say though.

    Nice write
    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2010-04-09 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      i think of feedback, but then that sometimes is distortion like the rest of observations, so good poem...
    | Posted on 2010-01-20 00:00:00 | by leocrates | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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