Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In This Moment I'm Lost Foreverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: faideddarkness
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Idaho
    Elite Ratio:    6.48 - 99/55/48
    Words: 222
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1503



    Description:
       lol i wrote half of this while driving cause it was in my head this finished the rest when i got to my shop cause ya my thoughts are gone if i wait to write them.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn This Moment I'm Lost Foreverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I stand here looking out
    Across the horizon
    Sheís rising from the sea
    From the grip of the ocean
    I dare not look away
    In hopes that she would stay
    And to forget
    I will never

    Looking into the sky
    All the stars staring down
    Watching tear drops from the moon
    Begin falling to the ground
    I dare not turn around
    I dare not make a sound
    In this moment
    Iím lost forever
    (Iím lost forever)


    Then the wind
    Brings in the rain
    Thereís no sadness
    Thereís no pain
    The sun may not shine
    But itís peaking out
    Rays of gladness
    Thereís no doubt
    Leaves are falling
    With all there colors
    In this moment
    Iím lost forever
    In this moment
    Iím lost forever


    And her eyes like the skies
    Staring inside of me
    Her hand reaching through
    Pulling my soul free
    I dare not tell her no
    I dare not let her go
    Into her
    Iím lost forever
    (Iím lost forever)

    Then the wind
    Brings in the rain
    Thereís no sadness
    Thereís no pain
    The sun may not shine
    But itís peaking out
    Rays of gladness
    Thereís no doubt
    Leaves are falling
    With all there colors
    In this moment
    Iím lost forever
    In this moment
    Iím lost forever




    Submitted on 2010-01-20 18:51:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Okay, after reading your last piece i definitely like this one alot better. it still has the"lost without her" theme, but it is done with alot of different imagery, which is nice. It helps to illustrate the point.
    Good overall timing, the only part that didnt seem to flow as naturally:

    And her eyes like the sky
    Sheís starring into me
    Then she reaches through
    Pulling my soul to be free



    With that being said though, realize that if i'm nitpicking, then there's not a whole lot to find wrong about this piece.
    | Posted on 2010-05-08 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful lyrics.. I can definitely say that they grabbed my heart strings and tugged.. I did notice a typo or two and thought I would mention them to you..
    The first line of the first stanza:

    "As I stand her looking out"

    Is that supposed to be her or here?

    Also the second line of the fourth stanza:

    "Sheís starring into me"

    I think it is staring...
    | Posted on 2010-04-01 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182181

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The World written by jjd
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry