Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Dreamt of Waterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Celeste J. Bell
    ASL Info:    27 Indiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 261/310/148
    Words: 500
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 472
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2533



    Description:
       Written exactly three years ago today, I choose to share it with you now : )


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Dreamt of Waterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once I dreamt of water. It was a magical dream and I remember it with a vivid foolishness. The water washed over my feet and felt as the sun does on a sunny June afternoon. My lazy thoughts were drifting in and out as we walked through it. The house was full of it. The water was warm and cold all at once. My sister was there, laughing with me. It was our home and yet I had never laid eyes on it before. It felt familiar and alien in the same moment and I felt lost and found within it. There were no words but comfort and peace. As we passed the kitchen to enter the living room everything changes. I felt danger boiling inside of me like a deadly storm about to come ashore. Something was wrong, very very wrong. We ran to hid from it. Our terrified breathe escaping us in the light. The water began to rise. Suddenly we knew that we had to get out of the water. Something was coming. It was coming quick and we had to get away. Then the men showed their faces in the doorway. Dark, dangerous men that neither of us had seen before. They chased us through the living room to the corners where we lifted out feet from the water onto steps. The white steps in the corners against the white walls and the churning black water frightened me. My sister stood on the steps across the room from me. The world slowed down. I saw her say something, pleading with the men, I think. We told them to get out of the water. We said there was something there, and they had to save themselves. The men did not listen to us. I watched in fear and agony as one of the men threw a dagger at me and it just barely grazed my shirt. He had missed. I saw the second man pulled under the water with such a force that it made my bones tremble. The first man cried out and threw a second dagger, this time, at my sister. Just after it left his palm, he was pulled under and there was silence. I looked at my sister and saw the dagger in her hip. She looked at me with indescribable eyes and I screamed her name as she fell forward into the water. I tried to jump in after her but something held me in place. I couldn’t move no matter how hard I tried. My legs would not function as I had commanded. The surface suddenly went calm, and I was alone in the room. I looked for anyone to be seen under the surface or float above it and nothing happened. I waited and I waited and I waited until finally I drifted off to sleep from… exhaustion? I awoke with the summer morning's pink sun in my eyes, unsure of what it meant (if it meant anything at all)...




    Submitted on 2010-01-21 19:34:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is quite interesting. Was it an actual dream?

    And I disagree with joeyalphabet. I like it exactly like it is. Except maybe place a paragraph so it won't seem so long.

    I really enjoyed it. :]

    -Kali.
    | Posted on 2010-03-11 00:00:00 | by xxiknownowxx | [ Reply to This ]
      Intersting piece. I didn't expect it to go the way you took it. Maybe you should continue it, seems unfinished to me. I guess we're all looking for the 'why'.

    Some grammar corrections:

    I felt danger boiling inside of me[,] a deadly storm about to come ashore. Something was wrong. We ran to hid from it. Our terrified [breath] escaping us in the light.
    | Posted on 2010-01-25 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      So I assume this is an actual dream? Interesting...

    The language, though not eloquent or evocative, is simple enough to convey the story clearly.

    The only huge problem is that knowing nothing at all about what the dream means, it's difficult to sympathize with the people in them. It seems you yourself are unsure of what the dream means, so meh...

    I have dreams like this all the time too. The last one I remember is: i am scrambling through dark, maze-like rooms of my house, trying to escape my 5-year old kid sister who is cackling maniacally and wielding a butcher's knife. I keep warning her that she could hurt herself. For whom do I feel so much panic in the dream... for my sake, or for hers...?
    | Posted on 2010-01-22 00:00:00 | by albery | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182214

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Cover written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Love written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    The World written by jjd
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry