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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mastery (c. by ruejacobs 1/22/10 at 10pm)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ruejacobs
    ASL Info:    39/feminazi/Gehenna
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 619/473/167
    Words: 251
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 881
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1558



    Description:
       meh. so derivative it's barely worth the click of the mouse...



    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMastery (c. by ruejacobs 1/22/10 at 10pm)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Itís all in the wrist
    As they say
    I too could have been the Chinese gymnast
    Smartly dressed
    In a one-piece tunic and trying to not look too gay

    Oh but i was absorbed
    Absorbed and not absolved
    Because I am remorseless, thatís why

    Those arenít carnival balls I am juggling
    But blades and fire

    Come closer
    You can see the scars
    Iíve paid my dues, baby

    Soaring overhead the tumblers and trapeze girls
    Float in their winsome frocks
    I still owe for the clothes on my back
    And probably always will

    At least the hoops arenít so very high
    One simply has to swallow her pride
    And don the funny red nose
    To escape judgment
    Everybody loves a fool

    Itís people like me that distract from the accidents
    When the high wire-man falls to his doom
    Iíll dance a jig as they cart his remains away
    And post the help-wanted sign

    No one is the wiser
    What do they care so long as the bills get paid
    And I tell you, I can dance a mean jig
    Huge shoes and all
    I just have to remember to keep those torches in the air
    And the audience in stitches

    I canít worry my little head over the itinerary
    Iím only PR

    Pleased to meet you
    Mind those knives
    Stand back now

    Icarus is down in the sawdust
    And that looks mighty like his spleen




    Submitted on 2010-01-22 21:37:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      trying to not look too gay...

    or happy...

    or simply to not look at all.

    derivative yes and you said i am rorschach in a way and you are too: every blot in the book an axe, even the butterflies...

    it is prose isn't it? i could see this as a cautionary tale too but with some pictures and 2 page numbers, each in the bottom centre.

    always a pleasure you remorseless being: always good to be reminded that tenacity and a free spirit are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

    take it nice and easy doll,

    k

    ps

    how's the littlest hobo?
    | Posted on 2010-01-23 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Derivative, you say, and I concur to the extent of, well, what isn't derivative in some way or another in this whole poetry art thing?

    And while that is said, I found this well worth the click.

    It actually made me realize that something I don't find on Elite is that spoken word type lingo -- though this might be because they are out speaking it, but even writing that is similar in tone doesn't grace us much here.

    I found this to be that. If any of that made sense.

    I guess I could hear this being spoken aloud, not like thoughts, but actually aloud to a room, said with pizzaz and the need to get it out. It has that kind of halting flow that is very appealing, that keeps it colloquial but also poetical.

    I guess rather than saying the subject is derivative, we could say its classic. All subjects have been tapped out, essentially, but its how we write about them that makes a difference. And I like this scenario. Yes, I have felt like the joker, the distraction, the trying-to-be-lovely among the un-lovely. Whatever gets the job done. We all have our parts to play.

    It's hard work and does not pay well enough.

    I like your beginning lines especially and how you're tone is a bit mad-hatter, dark, slightly bitter, humor and the swift straightening up at the end with 'Pleased to meet you/ Mind those knives/ Stand back now/ Icarus is down in the sawdust and that looks mighty like his spleen'

    As far as any suggestions go, I would go with: look over some of the longer lines and break them up to keep it a little more uniform.

    -Emeya
    | Posted on 2010-01-22 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]


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