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    dots Submission Name: Carouseldots

    Author: BxbyCxkes
    ASL Info:    17/F/USA
    Elite Ratio:    0.52 - 0/1/1
    Words: 45
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 544
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 328


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The world spins past on painted hues
    Of twilight grey and midnight blue,
    A thousand sacred thoughts of you
    To fill the eastern sky.
    Sprinkle dust and fairy tales,
    Butterflies and ships a-sail,
    Paint my wooden carousel
    Every shade of you.

    Submitted on 2010-01-29 20:56:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the simplicity very much. It was short and to the point, but contained enough imagery for the reader to want to read it more than once, or see it again. It almost sounds very familiar, like I heard it as a kid. The only word that tripped me up while reading it was "sky". Not saying it doesn't belong, but it was almost to sharp or powerful of a word after hearing the soft rolling "hues, blues, and you" words that all rolled together. All in all good piece to start out!!

    Take care and welcome!!

    | Posted on 2010-02-01 00:00:00 | by Nicholas Lala | [ Reply to This ]

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