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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Prince Charmingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Snarkypoet
    ASL Info:    20/F/US of A
    Elite Ratio:    4.16 - 6/7/12
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 863
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 703



    Description:
       Hopefully the formatting won't be too messed up. It's a sonnet, so ten syllables per line.

    I'd appreciate any thoughts. Let me know if I come off as contradicting myself, because I don't mean too.

    This was written as and anti- Gary-stew piece. So, anti-Twilight. Mildly dedicated to Thomas, who sees my faults, and reassures me that perfection is overrated. This was also written upon the realization that I am Katherine and he is Petruchio, and I would always rather have a Petruchio than a Prince Charming.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Prince Charmingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Prince Charming,

    Id like to let you know that I hate you.
    Your shining armor and heroic sword
    have no power over me. Go rescue
    some simpering princess and leave me be.
    I have no interest in your perfection.
    You ride in on your white charger, but then
    what? I find it clear that your affection
    is more out of duty than out of love.
    Lord, give me a man who has many faults,
    because I know I am far from perfect.
    Let him be a knave. A fox who will waltz
    through life with no care for appearances.
    So, my dear prince, toss your armor away,
    and then I will love you til my last day.




    Submitted on 2010-01-30 12:28:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I rather like this (sonnet form aside). Couldn't help but smile at the subject and even nod a bit in agreement with line 8 .. though a bit of Prince Charming in a guy isn't so bad. lol.
    I've tried my hand at sonnets. Never could get the iambic meter just right. It's a tedious task. I do know that the first line should make a certain statement that will cause the reader to read on. Yours seems a bit weak in that regard.. yet I read on.. and rather glad I did. Have to agree with the breaking of lines. Sonnets call for more stiffer rules than say, poem or prose.
    Good piece though. I wouldn't throw it out.. just re-work it a bit.
    | Posted on 2010-01-31 00:00:00 | by AnnaMolly | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, Mr. Barlow seems to have covered it. The meter is indeed off. Though I did get a good laugh at the subject matter, it was difficult to get past the meter issues. Sonnets are a tricky breed. If not carefully considered they tend to run amok. Reign the little devil in and be a tad more precise with ending your thoughts on the same line would be what I can offer. The brokeness is what is offputting. I actually like it, but alas I am rambling. Feminine would be PERFECT for fixing the small issues of stressed and unstressed syllables. It will be lovely when finished!
    Clover
    | Posted on 2010-01-31 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
      Your meter is out of whack, so simply looking at that and nothing else, well, we'll see...

    Id like to let you know that I am hating you.
    Your shining armor and heroic sword,
    they have no power over me. Go rescue
    some simpering princess and just leave me be.
    I have no interest in your dim perfection.
    You ride in on your white charger, charge, but then;
    what if I find it clear that your affection
    is borne more out of duty than out of love.
    Lord, render me a man with many faults,
    because I know that I am far from perfect.
    Let him be a knave. A fox who will waltz
    through life without a care for false appearances.


    and the couplet... well

    but what i liked about this version of your was that it was near enough that i wanted to try and smooth it out a bit.

    you can use feminine rhyme, as i've done to soften a piece:

    and typically that will mean the line has 11 syllables and finishes on an unstressed beat.

    hope that's of use.
    | Posted on 2010-01-31 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


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