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    dots Submission Name: Letter to a Woman i figured for a Prostitutedots

    Author: leocrates
    Elite Ratio:    4.95 - 103/34/38
    Words: 312
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 515
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 1921

       so what does it need to cut sharper...? i would ask by saying help.... hot potato.....

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetter to a Woman i figured for a Prostitutedots

    Woman with thin and what must be warm thighs…
    Your hair was crisp… more like stalk bundled… in neat curves around your skull…
    Into a group of hanging braids….
    With a little beads in the ends that clicked and clacked better than poker chips…
    And De’Bourgorac apologizes,
    You still understand rejection.
    I would ask myself as much? Or would you see fear? And resistance?
    Hesitation, would you brush your teeth
    Laughter. .. if the keyboard sat at a mirror…
    I know of great deeds and honor…
    And I fail in proposal,
    And I am alone…
    Judas, no just a common pimp…
    Pimp …
    Five dollars if so…
    Old high five
    Old Illinois
    Old green Lincoln
    Woman did you think or remember me ever?
    Is it love that you would think or fool hearted wonderlust…
    Drunken revile ..
    Barefooted Remoteness
    Wet vision of god…
    Would god not be wet?
    Would you know?
    Woman you like the night…
    It is serene… tranquil
    It harbors…
    It soothes..
    It inhales the same depth… so deep like an embrace of you…
    You the hold…
    Not holden… not held… not holding…
    Night… no I do not call on you woman….
    Lovely colored nightshade…
    Some violent call for one with not…and the stars…
    Woman … all they do for god…
    That word…
    You are more in the sight of your navel than they are in their dreams…
    You are more in the stand of your hip, than grace embodies, and why…
    You are as I would liken to more, if sober and in love what prospect… he may have been paid to observe… paid to watch porn,
    Us frolicking in relevant bliss, us as glee…
    You trembling sight before my urges…
    I want you unblemished… but am one blemish I would not want to deny you…
    Do we love…?

    Submitted on 2010-01-30 23:11:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      As far as a letter...I'm not sure. The grammer was that of prose or poetry and you listed it as a story. I saw no story here, just random thoughts on a page that did at times illicit emotion from me but Im really looked forward to a short story and you disappointed me here.

    I think this was an original piece. You certainly have a grasp of the language and use it well. I would reveiw the structure of this piece and put it under a different lable to gain better response from readers...

    Thanks for sharing :)
    | Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]

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