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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Alien in a Cat Skindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 393
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1738



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAlien in a Cat Skindots
    -------------------------------------------





    This is not my world
    I do not belong here

    I stare with disappointment at the crudity of these forms
    These ugly constructs
    They tower like angled monoliths
    All masculine
    With no sense of feminine flow

    Nothing about this place has any finesse
    Even beauty is reduced to a tacky illustration of itself
    Gargoyles of themselves

    No
    This is not my world
    My home ? Another place
    Another place where love does not denote possession
    Where love is not a dream
    But a living, breathing, entity

    I have watched and prowled about the edges
    In disdainful observation
    Of weak and crude attempts at explanation
    Everything here is commodity
    Even humans

    No
    This is not my world
    It does not hold, not one iota, of inspiration
    Inspired as it is to fill its own reflection
    Appease its own hunger
    And relieve its own boredom

    This world is a flaccid limp dick of depiction
    A suffused and meaningless miasma
    Of ego erotica
    And oh ! My ! How you feed !
    And oh ! My ! How you believe
    In the welter of putrescent ideals you call life

    No this is not my world
    But I shall lay back
    Stretch my claws out in the sun
    And let the warmth seep upon my fur

    I will leave this world in my dreams
    And hidden safe from view
    In my secret niche
    You will not find me

    I will return home
    And the only clue I will leave for you
    Is my soft and consistent purr







    Submitted on 2010-01-31 12:55:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you related to a cat to life, the World, the title also working with this as "Alien in a Cat Skin" comes into play, as if someone who never saw our lives before sees them now, describing how they see our World.
    It was a bit long, and I enjoyed reading it, but it might have scared some people off of reading it, but that isn't much of criticism, rather just something I noticed.

    This poem didn't have much of a flow, but I felt the words, at first, must have been loose pieces of a puzzle, in which you put them together beautiful to create this.
    It took me a couple of reads to fully understand, and even though I understand what you are getting across now other readers might not catch onto what you are saying, finding your words to be maybe "alien" themselves.
    Though I like poems like this, I will try and be unbiased and say simple words can also get across the message as good as long, detailed words.

    " Where love is not a dream
    But a living, breathing, entity "

    This quote, from your poem, is one of my favourite lines of this poem.
    Through the poem, you mention how other brush your dreams away, as if nothing. Also, you try your best to keep the poem to an alien cat, something inhuman, something that is just watching how life works.
    However, here, we see humanity come back into the poem, with emotion seeping from the words, as if this is not an opinion you have but an actual fact. I can feel what seems to be anger, as if you repeated these words so many times, yet they go unheard, thus, frustration. It seems to be the only break of your own emotions in the poem, methinks.

    " Even beauty is reduced to a tacky illustration of itself
    Gargoyles of themselves "

    Maybe it is just personally, but I like these lines too.
    Beauty, you talk about seems to be only an illusion, it's true form being a distorted stone figure frozen in time- a gargoyle.
    All we see is what could be a divine goddess of beauty, nothing more. Yet, this is just an illusion, inside something darker and colder inside, not seen by many people.

    " No this is not my world
    But I shall lay back
    Stretch my claws out in the sun
    And let the warmth seep upon my fur "

    Running through this poem, you mention all that is wrong with our world, yet, you seem to be talking to yourself afterwards, saying that it isn't your world, and you shouldn't get involved in it, thus, only feel one ray of sunlight from what seems to be the inferno of life.

    " I will return home
    And the only clue I will leave for you
    Is my soft and consistent purr "

    When you say "return home", I don't think it is literate.... in my view. It seems that after you saw what was going on, you crawl back into your shell, only leaving vague memories of yourself to those who wish to hear that low hum of what you left behind.


    Though I liked this poem, it was unclear at some points, and sometimes I didn't fully understand what you were trying to get across.
    This piece was vivid, imaginative and original, however, at some points it seems that only you, the poet, can understand the mist that you left behind in your poem.
    It is understandable that no one can fully understand the poem 100%, however, there must be a balance between these two, if you get what I am saying.

    Your piece reminds me of Ella Wilcox Wheeler's works, an infamous female poet who wrote deep and dark poetry. However, in her poetry, she left a little piece of bright hope, a small gift for those who wished to see it, to those who needed it, for those who understand it. This is like your piece- it doe snot have only one layer, but many layers of meanings, and only those who wish to find that meaning seem to be only able to find it.
    Which makes it all the more fun to read a poem such like this.

    There isn't much else to improve on, except maybe be more clearer. I personally like vague poems, yet, not too vague, however many might be frightened to read such a detailed poem, or others might not fully understand the story you are trying to tell.

    I enjoyed this poem and good luck with future works.

    Sorry for this too-long-of-a-review :) Thank you for your poetry

    ~~Pantheory


    | Posted on 2010-02-19 00:00:00 | by Pantheory | [ Reply to This ]


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