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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lingerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 529
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 155



    Description:
       This is another teenage write. If it's not very good, that's why.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLingerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You still linger here.
    The smell of you is clear.
    A picture of you is sharp in my mind
    like the taste of my red wine.

    .




    Submitted on 2004-07-22 23:09:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A piece of your history. I bet when you go back and read these old poems that you wrote they call back into your mind that feelings that brought the desire to place them on paper.
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      this one actually rhymes! i could taste the sharpness of that red wine, too. not bad for teenage writing, my dear. you had "it" even as a young doe, didn't you? sweet... well, sharp anyway...lol!
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      you were still a bit in your rhyming phase or is it coincidal?? anyway I like it. didn't expect the last line cause a picture is visual and wine something you taste. a little odd at first but it fits very well I think. great four lines.
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      tsktsk...teenage write...red wine...ima gonna tell...lol...picture of you is sharp in my mind/like the taste of my red wine...tripped my too...i was thinking visually and interrupted by scent...but good...like kendall jackson cabernet good..
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      I just have to know...was that period in the line after the (first stanza?) intentional? Well, that would certainly be original, but taking creativity out on a limb, because how are we supposed to interpret that? Got me thinking, didn't mean to or even want to.
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      are you cutting your hair or combing your hair in your user picture?

    anyhow, i like the first three lines, although the last one threw me out of the groove somehow, and i'm thinking it's the mentioning of the wine. the preceding lines are just about the two of you, and then the last line is you and a glass of wine (which is still some nice imagery, if the wine was drunk correctly, the taste lingers, etc. [pretend that made sense]). still, all in all, i liked it. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-07-22 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      amy the lst line feels a bit off in rhythm. try adding a syllable into the last line. depending on how you want the image presented you could add "sweet" or "bittersweet" to the wine..or even "full-bodied" which brings forth a whole new image. Hope your having fun.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-07-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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