Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lingerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 537
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 155



    Description:
       This is another teenage write. If it's not very good, that's why.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLingerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You still linger here.
    The smell of you is clear.
    A picture of you is sharp in my mind
    like the taste of my red wine.

    .




    Submitted on 2004-07-22 23:09:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A piece of your history. I bet when you go back and read these old poems that you wrote they call back into your mind that feelings that brought the desire to place them on paper.
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]
      this one actually rhymes! i could taste the sharpness of that red wine, too. not bad for teenage writing, my dear. you had "it" even as a young doe, didn't you? sweet... well, sharp anyway...lol!
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      you were still a bit in your rhyming phase or is it coincidal?? anyway I like it. didn't expect the last line cause a picture is visual and wine something you taste. a little odd at first but it fits very well I think. great four lines.
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      tsktsk...teenage write...red wine...ima gonna tell...lol...picture of you is sharp in my mind/like the taste of my red wine...tripped my too...i was thinking visually and interrupted by scent...but good...like kendall jackson cabernet good..
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      I just have to know...was that period in the line after the (first stanza?) intentional? Well, that would certainly be original, but taking creativity out on a limb, because how are we supposed to interpret that? Got me thinking, didn't mean to or even want to.
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      are you cutting your hair or combing your hair in your user picture?

    anyhow, i like the first three lines, although the last one threw me out of the groove somehow, and i'm thinking it's the mentioning of the wine. the preceding lines are just about the two of you, and then the last line is you and a glass of wine (which is still some nice imagery, if the wine was drunk correctly, the taste lingers, etc. [pretend that made sense]). still, all in all, i liked it. =]

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-07-22 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      amy the lst line feels a bit off in rhythm. try adding a syllable into the last line. depending on how you want the image presented you could add "sweet" or "bittersweet" to the wine..or even "full-bodied" which brings forth a whole new image. Hope your having fun.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-07-22 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    18248

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Carry written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry