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    dots Submission Name: Angels turn to dustdots

    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 658
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1261


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngels turn to dustdots

    Twisted tales, shadowy beliefs
    But really, it's all in the lies
    Stricken, hungry and forgotten
    Taken for granted, all for nothing
    Lost in shadows, lost in the games
    That we tried so hard to play.

    Romeo and Juliet, a tale from the heart
    Hope bears no witness from the crypts of the dark;
    A simple tragedy followed their wake
    Such a suiting ending for such a twisted fate.

    Love me, or love me not
    Tie my heart into a knot
    Allow these tears to rest forgotten
    Washing away all that's happen
    Cause it's better to live in nothing
    than live with this aching pain.
    Cause it's better to live in nothing
    than to watch the endless rain.

    Tears of love and hate
    It's all too much to take
    I see no sunlight in this end
    Just another wound to mend
    Just another hole to fill in the gap
    I just..fell for another trap
    Lost in my dreams of perfection
    lost in desires and temptation
    Lost in dreams of what I want
    To forget the fears that my nights haunt...
    Angels...they don't belong to anyone....
    Angels, they turn to dust

    Submitted on 2010-02-01 11:16:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You have a really amazing voice. It was an enjoyable read. I really like the asides but I'd like to see some more descriptions from you. c;
    | Posted on 2010-03-28 00:00:00 | by RaptureRequiem | [ Reply to This ]
      Dann, you know I love you but...it sucks. It's just plain boring. I mean, the mechanics are amazing, the grammatical and spelling and what not. Dots in their right places, crosses where they should be. Bu the subject matter, for me at least, is just too uninteresting.
    | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by Max Million | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, hey, Danny-boy.
    Angels that turn to dust, eh? I immediately liked the title, but once I actually read beyond it, it was nothing I imagined it to be. With that said, I'd liked to say that it was a pleasant surprise. I love "Twisted tales", really floats well, and grabs your attention! And then you repeat it at "twisted fate". Your use of repetition: "Cause it's better to live in nothing" "Lost" was wise and drew me in more. Personally I disagree, I love the rain. Especially if it's endless. 'Nuff 'bout me, though...

    This poem was slightly dark, and also kind of dreamy. In a sick and demented way, of course. At least as the audience, that's the mood it gave off. I don't want to try to decipher the meaning of the poem, because I feel it could go many ways. In that case, it's sort of confusing. But, don't take my word for it, I'm easily puzzled. I like the end. Glad you completed it the way you did. "Angels, they turn to dust" instead of the title. Hehe.

    Great write, nonetheless. I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing! :D

    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by Fourletters | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm.... Hmmm... What to say, what to say. I feel like I'm going to be critiqued on this comment or something....

    Have I ever mentioned I hate you?

    Oh and...
    Babble babble, [censored] [censored], rebel rebel, party party, sex sex sex, don't forget the violence
    | Posted on 2010-02-06 00:00:00 | by EndOfTheWorld | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh i love the happiness in this^
    I kid.
    Its err not the uplifting poems i usually read, but ti certainly has style and anger in it. maybe even a sense of, "[censored] you" sprinkled on top.

    The thing i liked the most was the Romeo and Juliet reference. Because its one of my favorite tales personally and i think you did an amazing job with thinking of it to add in. Because most people are too stupid to make comparisons that dont sound stupid and lame.
    I mean, as far as the overall poem message goes.
    Its rather depressing, and it has a voice.
    To die with nothing than die with pain.
    i mean, isnt that how everyone wants it? To live a happy life without pain?
    I know i do.
    Reason i dont believe the term "love" exists anymore.
    But yeah.

    Nice job
    | Posted on 2010-02-06 00:00:00 | by TasteMyRainbow | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you suggested it, and I think that you are a great poet, I looked at some others too, you have a great way of surfacing your poems they stand out at my point only because to me it is a new way of actually saying a reference in the poem. Anyway GREAT job you do very well.
    | Posted on 2010-02-05 00:00:00 | by 13thprotector | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn. I see what you meant. The emotion pushes really strong through this piece. You added the pauses which really emphasized what couldn't be said.

    The rhyme scheme here far superior. It rhymes so much but the words still come naturally which makes flow better and feel more real..

    the Romeo and Juliet reference was really interesting as a comparison. I think you are referring to their death as a relief since you'd rather 'live in nothing' then with the pain.

    *little side note, I'm a huge fan of repetition so this part

    Cause it's better to live in nothing
    than live with this aching pain.
    Cause it's better to live in nothing
    than to watch the endless rain.

    was awesome for me (even though it sounds a bit cliché)*

    the only thing I can really say I would change for this poem is to make it more personal. Not for me but you. This poem feels like it could have been written by anyone (I am not saying that it is crap or mediocre) and what I mean is that there aren't any details that put you in the poem. Generic isn't the word I want to use but its the closest one I can find. If it is a love poem, then put some of you and the other person in there.

    I liked it
    thanks for recommending it

    | Posted on 2010-02-04 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
      That Was Beautiful.
    Kind Of Make's Me Think About The Past.
    Loved You're Last Few Lines The Most.
    Actually, I Loved It All.
    Great Job. Continue On ^ ^
    | Posted on 2010-02-04 00:00:00 | by TsukikoHamino | [ Reply to This ]
    I have a few problems I think....
    But meh....nice nonetheless
    | Posted on 2010-02-04 00:00:00 | by saika | [ Reply to This ]
      that was sadly beautiful, i especially like the line "tie my heart into a knot", not only do i like it as a metaphor alone but it fit the theme of this poem very well.
    the beat it has gives it the sad kind of air your poem is expressing, but not just sad, a rather dark depressing sadness
    all-in-all, i say your poem is absolutely beautiful and is going to be faved ;)
    i have one recommendation, tho, instead of using 'Cause' use because, i think it would fit better, but thats just my suggestion
    oh, yes, one more thing:
    Washing away all that's happen
    happen should be happened
    great piece!
    Peace, love, some jazz,
    | Posted on 2010-02-04 00:00:00 | by Renada | [ Reply to This ]
       Nice, love the flow.
    | Posted on 2010-02-04 00:00:00 | by thelastman | [ Reply to This ]

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