Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Virus and his Rosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: essence of life
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 33/38/21
    Words: 381
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 549
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2059



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Virus and his Rosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once upon a time. . . . A very important person, in my life, called me a "virus."

    This wasn't so bad until one day i got a glimpse of something "breathtaking."

    It was a black rose, covered in thorns, in a field of red roses.

    I got a look at this object once through a telescope.

    At once i couldn't advert my gaze. In this field stood an object, shimmering in the moonlight dripping the first sign of morning dew.

    As time moved on i became infatious. Not of something flashy, or flamboyant.

    No more of a specimen, that didn't even know its beauty had me " on strings like some puppet"

    "Now understand that i have never given in too anything closely resembling obsession, captivation, fascination."

    I won't go so far too say I'm incapable of being seduced, But i never thought i wasn't incapable of breaking a bond, In fact i usually liked them too much to dare, But even i. . . . can be proven wrong.

    I must of lost . . . 2 many hours of sleep till the moment i could take no more. Literally. . . I came flying out of bed one night, mind in a whirl, body covered in sweet, heart beating out of my chess.

    Fear or excitement i could not tell thee.

    I went into the woods got lost so many times, lost so much time, all for something i knew was worth me dying too recover.

    When i came upon the field, there minding it's own almost incapable of knowing of my existence stood the rose.

    Like a boy, afraid of his shadow i stared at the thorns, But like a man Who knew too many a sorrow.

    I gripped the stem, blood leaking down the body of this spell inducing object, I picked my flower.

    The blood of a virus now drenched this infatuation: I should of mention that "virus" i stated means when I'm near you, you stay near me.




    Submitted on 2010-02-01 21:11:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You're improving! This peice is head and shoulders over some of your older work.

    There are still grammer mistakes, just a few careless mistakes. Not capitalizing an "I" or adding an extra "o" to "to".

    The story line is good, I love the hazy veiw from the narrorators mind. Good Job, Ess.

    Carrie:)
    | Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this was really cool
    i also like the black rose and its a very rare and the most beautiful of them all
    i liked the whole story line
    great write sandman
    | Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182508

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    This written by Chelebel
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Incubus written by monad
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    To written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry