[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Virus and his Rosedots

    Author: essence of life
    Elite Ratio:    3.09 - 33/38/21
    Words: 381
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 520
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2059


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Virus and his Rosedots

    Once upon a time. . . . A very important person, in my life, called me a "virus."

    This wasn't so bad until one day i got a glimpse of something "breathtaking."

    It was a black rose, covered in thorns, in a field of red roses.

    I got a look at this object once through a telescope.

    At once i couldn't advert my gaze. In this field stood an object, shimmering in the moonlight dripping the first sign of morning dew.

    As time moved on i became infatious. Not of something flashy, or flamboyant.

    No more of a specimen, that didn't even know its beauty had me " on strings like some puppet"

    "Now understand that i have never given in too anything closely resembling obsession, captivation, fascination."

    I won't go so far too say I'm incapable of being seduced, But i never thought i wasn't incapable of breaking a bond, In fact i usually liked them too much to dare, But even i. . . . can be proven wrong.

    I must of lost . . . 2 many hours of sleep till the moment i could take no more. Literally. . . I came flying out of bed one night, mind in a whirl, body covered in sweet, heart beating out of my chess.

    Fear or excitement i could not tell thee.

    I went into the woods got lost so many times, lost so much time, all for something i knew was worth me dying too recover.

    When i came upon the field, there minding it's own almost incapable of knowing of my existence stood the rose.

    Like a boy, afraid of his shadow i stared at the thorns, But like a man Who knew too many a sorrow.

    I gripped the stem, blood leaking down the body of this spell inducing object, I picked my flower.

    The blood of a virus now drenched this infatuation: I should of mention that "virus" i stated means when I'm near you, you stay near me.

    Submitted on 2010-02-01 21:11:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      You're improving! This peice is head and shoulders over some of your older work.

    There are still grammer mistakes, just a few careless mistakes. Not capitalizing an "I" or adding an extra "o" to "to".

    The story line is good, I love the hazy veiw from the narrorators mind. Good Job, Ess.

    | Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this was really cool
    i also like the black rose and its a very rare and the most beautiful of them all
    i liked the whole story line
    great write sandman
    | Posted on 2010-02-02 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Fasade written by jackz
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]