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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Living in Black-and-Whitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Carosuel
    ASL Info:    26/F/Twirlwind
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 96/73/28
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 267



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiving in Black-and-Whitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I imagine,
    it's like living in a ray of sunlight.
    Not golden. Silver.
    Eyes like two orbs of Onyx.
    Skin pale grey.
    Or shadowed charcoal.
    Lips dark as ashes.

    I imagine,
    I would like to live like that.




    Submitted on 2010-02-03 20:24:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i've always enjoyed black and white movies moreso than color movies..
    i like more left to the imagination...

    there is a texture to black and white...

    sort of like listening to a baseball game on the radio...better than watching on tv..cause again, we can imagine more...

    there is something simpler in black and white..like life was once...old black and white photos...there is more depth in them than in color ones...

    i like being in those black and white photos...i like going back there..

    i really like this poem...maybe with the "lips " line..you could add an adjective before "ashes" and it would parallel the previous lines..with that missing the line does seem a little aburpt, almost generic in comparison to the description that comes before..

    but i relate to this...and feel it is well done.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, well..........I would like to live with the ashes covering my face. I love the way you use the words in a descriptive tale.
    | Posted on 2010-11-26 00:00:00 | by Apteryx | [ Reply to This ]
      Lips dark as ashes.

    I don't like this line very much because the comparison itself isn't as visually stimulating as the rest of the poem. It builds up to a sort of dull thud.

    Starting the poem withI imagine, is kind of abrupt and cut-off from the poem. Maybe less of a transition (either no comma or don't skip a line... or both, really).

    I imagine,
    I would like to live like that


    Same applies here. Feels a bit more like an academic oral.

    It's a pretty idea. Don't think it'd be a great way to live, what with our senses and etc.
    | Posted on 2010-04-15 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me most about what I feel a lot of the time. Throughout my entire life, I have always felt like I want to be the one that is different, and the one that isn't a characterization of what people think is "good".

    I love how you described the eyes... Onyx is a very beautiful gem, not to mention how it looks in a dim light. (That's when it's most beautiful to me ;) )

    I also liked the second and third lines. Living in the light of silver, seems much more beautiful then gold. (I don't like yellow)

    Over all, the poem itself has great potential. I wish it were a little longer though... It seems so short, and cut off.
    | Posted on 2010-02-25 00:00:00 | by Kitkara | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like this, it glints like a killing knife.

    and you are the copypastethanker,
    which cracks me up no end.

    go on about your business. haha.

    (great poem)
    | Posted on 2010-02-21 00:00:00 | by theAlysonDiarys | [ Reply to This ]
      of coruse it's better to live in black-n-white. nobody would be different. I know they say when your in a relationship it should be black and white. You should know everything about the person your with and they should know everything about you. There should be no right or wrong answers and no fights.no lies and everything. But they're wrong. Relationships are so much more, or so I've noticed, They're more colored. They got places people can hide. And It just isn't the same.

    sorry..I loved your first poem:)
    Rachel Pugliese
    | Posted on 2010-02-19 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]
      Really good. I love the use of some earthen elements in this. Very visual. Think you could maybe make something similiar, but longer?
    | Posted on 2010-02-03 00:00:00 | by faded color | [ Reply to This ]
      Brilliant work, Angel!

    and First Comment!
    | Posted on 2010-02-03 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]


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