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    dots Submission Name: Lacunaedots

    Author: saartha
    ASL Info:    27/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    4.06 - 230/384/131
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 765
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 675


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I wet my hair with mountain snow.

    The world’s incredible smoothness
    lulls me. The moon is gone. The child
    and her ocean are silent. Still.
    Asleep, so desperately asleep.

    The moon is gone and it is like forgetting
    the face of a loved one
    who hated you.

    Without a ripple, the ocean secedes.
    The mountain grows and grows and the snow
    takes away. It buries the jade stars. It buries
    the lost night sky, the wandering emptiness.
    It buries the child, and she sleeps on. The world
    is cold midnight silk.

    Handful by handful, my hair whitens.

    Submitted on 2010-02-05 19:51:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I totally love the time-lapse effect you used here. I also like to use camera effects in my work. My own poem "Node exploding" comes to mind, where I used a 4 step zoom in the middle of it. Actually the whole poem revolves around that effect. Maybe you can read it. I don't know if you'll like it though, it's kinda brutal...
    | Posted on 2011-07-08 00:00:00 | by Paradox | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful passage into night and being and growing and giving and taking. There is something graceful and cleansing about it all. And I was quite taken by it.

    The imagery is fantastic, to the point where I would love to someone produce a piece of artwork in inspiration.

    | Posted on 2010-02-08 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      You had me at the first line.

    This seems so sad and haunting. It speaks of loss, but in such a beautiful way. It's like a sad embrace, or something similar.

    It buries the jade stars. It buries my heart. I want to sing and sigh, I want to wrap my wings around you.

    | Posted on 2010-02-07 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]
      note for other readers: lacunae = a gap (for eg. a lexical gap, i lack of words)

    I didn't make any sense of your poem beyond the individual words. But your poem is still strikingly beautiful... and I normally hate confusing, ethereal, gossamery stuff.

    Can't pick out a phrase I really liked... I liked all of it.
    | Posted on 2010-02-06 00:00:00 | by albery | [ Reply to This ]
      this is just...

    nothing more. nothing less. needed.

    'The moon is gone and it is like forgetting
    the face of a loved one
    who hated you.'

    (i wish i wrote that).
    | Posted on 2010-02-06 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      this is an impressive heartfelt reverence. What does Lacunae mean?.
    Well done. Joachim.
    | Posted on 2010-02-06 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
      this was [censored] great.
    | Posted on 2010-02-06 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]

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