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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Little Like Thatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blueorchids
    ASL Info:    30/F/California
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 1096/928/91
    Words: 593
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 1251
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3158



    Description:
       the usual. thanks.

    -the management.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Little Like Thatdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I’d heard the catchy refrain of “If Only” played countless of times on James’ redwood acoustic guitar, drifting in from the bedroom to the stained calico couch I was sprawled on, but each grunt of his frustration brought a small smile to my lips. “If Only” wasn’t written for me, but it was what James polished for performance whenever he invited me to drop by and visit. Sometimes while half-reading the dog-eared copy of “Pride and Prejudice” I kept at James’ apartment, I caught myself softly singing the harmony with him.

    Funny, how on those visits, I didn’t actually spend a lot of time with James; we just happened to be in the same apartment. “An artist needs his space to create,” he’d say to me after the polite half hour of small talk and updates:
    “New haircut?”
    “Dyed it, too. Dark cherry; you like?”
    “It’s different; not quite the You I know. I hate my job still.”
    “Steal the Swingline, burn the place down.”
    “It could happen.”
    Scrawny, smooth arms hiding a wealth of muscle would lift me bodily off his messily made bed, ushering me gently but firmly from his room. Warm, callused hands would steer me by the shoulders around the scattered musician paraphernalia on the floor: stacks of blank staff paper, broken pencils, piles of CDs, keyboard littered with picks, guitar amps covered with crumpled paper wads, and four open guitar cases.

    It was later than the usual when I got up from reading and knocked my goodbyes on the Ziggy poster a previous tenant expertly glued to his door, because he was just coming out as I raised a fist to tap. He was puzzled to find me still there, the sun long gone off to sleep and the full moon steadily bright in an otherwise inky black Los Angeles night. “Wild Horses” by the Sundays, I noticed, was playing on the stereo in the corner of his room; for a Bruce Hornsby, Sting-still-with-the-Police wannabe, he played an awful lot of ‘90s girl bands. Stepping around him into the room to sidestep the awkwardness, I took in the mess I was expecting to see. It was the four pages of handwritten sheet music with my name across the tops I didn’t anticipate.

    Not asking, I took it to the keyboard and played the notes drawn in his god-awful chicken scratch that I could read. It was rough, but still beautiful. From the periphery of my vision, I could see James leaning in the doorjamb, looking like he’d just made a good decision. Proud with the simpleton familiarity I’d achieved after only few run-throughs, I asked, “Like that?” He’d sat down around me on the large bench while I was fiddling, his solid front heating my back, his arms finally reaching around mine to show me the song I couldn’t read. It was more elaborate than I’d imagined, his fingers holding down chords and sweet melodies that I was suddenly humming a harmony to, eventually leaning back flush against his chest. When he stopped, he turned to me and said with clear eyes before touching slightly chapped lips to mine for the first time in the year we’d known each other, “Yeah. A little like that.”




    Submitted on 2004-07-23 01:59:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This short is amazing. You drew me in, with so few words, I felt exactly as though I were there, on that stained calico couch, on that inky black Los Angeles night. I moved with her to knock on his door. I felt the heat from his chest as he sat behind her, to guide her in the song. I have goosebumps.
    | Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by redthewitch | [ Reply to This ]
      The most vivid and perfect descriptions I've read in a long, long time. See, THIS is why musicians get all the chicks :P
    In all seriousness, this made me all warm and happy for the author and all teary and cry-y for the idea that I might never experience something as pure as a moment like that... gorgeous is the best description I can come up with.

    Specifically, I LOVE the dialogue in the second paragraph (verse?) and I was especially pleased with your description of his lips as chapped, not the perfect, soft things of most flowery prose.
    | Posted on 2005-01-21 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. This was so sweet and touching. Definitly going through and adding it to my favorites. Wow. I love how it's the starved artist hiding himself from everyone, yet when you wonder in to find his precious work, his haven, and he sees you he stands by prideful. And, then he guides you through it. Making you understand. A little like that. Awesome job!
    | Posted on 2004-11-19 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so incredibly sweet. I'm glad that this is getting the attention it deserves, instead of just all views and no comments like prose usually get. But even though this is prose, it still reads like poetry. Or maybe you just write like a poet. I could put myself in your position, not because I've been there, but because you crafted your images with vivid descriptions (but ones I still had to use my imagination for) This reminds me of that Prince song. Call My Name
    "And I just can't stop writing songs about you, I love you so much..."
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, I've read this four times now. I think it's the most touching piece I've yet read on this site. It really is absolutely stunning (girlinthephoto got it just right when she compared the feeling to being in a bubble), and I'll be coming back to it again and again. I'd say the one part that might stand tweaking would be:

    'I glanced at the mess I was expecting to see and the four pages of handwritten sheet music with my name across the tops I didn’t anticipate.'

    Simply because it's such a long, unbroken sentence, it's a little confusing, and as it's such an important point I think you could make it read a little clearer.

    That is my only criticism… Dear God, it's beautiful. I love the little touch at the end of 'slightly chapped lips', the perfection in imperfection, the way all the details add to the intimacy and complete captured moment… Yeah. I'm gushing. It really is that good. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      that little bit of 'small talk' in the beginning from 'new haircut' to 'it could happen'.. is exquisite. perfect example of show don't tell. god you're so good at prose. we get a perfect feel for the relationship out of little hints that you spread throughout the piece rather than spoonfeeding us. like the sentence: "drawn in his god-awful chicken scratch that I could read." With an image like that it's like you're subliminaly telling the reader that you
    understand things in James in a way that not just anyone can.. even if he wanted to hide them.
    that whole last paragraph.. the image of them at the
    keyboard.. the proximity.. everything.. i felt like i was in a bubble when i read it. everything just faded away.

    like becky said.. you have a flair for these nostalgic
    pieces.. concise sepia tinged snapshots of the past.
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      OOOooooOOO! Heh. Sorry, I'm juvenile. This is so absolutely gorgeous. Maaaaan. I'm all tingly. *Romantic sigh*. A favourite… Your prose writing style is really good; a flair for capturing memories in a warm and vivid way. Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]
      I must admit, I'm usually too lazy to read the prose. However, this caught my attention and just kept me there. Those overfilled emptinesses speak so well and draw you in, willing it to this perfect conclusion. Feeling all warm and fuzzy now. Awesome! Just went to check on your ASL, phew I got it wrong before, and I was just wondering. Now I can confirm though. Yes A++
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      ooo... so gorgeous! its so down to earth and could happen to anyone yet at the same time has a certain magic to it that only you can own... its very well done! i like the idea of you playing his song to you and then him sitting behind you and guiding you (almost like parents do to kids...) yet when he plays it it is COMPLETELY not as you would have sposed it would be... yay for you! and i just have to say... i really wanna doorjamb hehe!
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok so i like how you had so much to say and put it in just that amount of words. I loved your voca in this you disreibed stuff so perfectly that you could see it happening. Keep it up looks good
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by abitaar | [ Reply to This ]


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