Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Originality?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AshKetchumLuv
    ASL Info:    17/Ladeh/Nonyabeezwax
    Elite Ratio:    6.63 - 14/15/12
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 534
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 679



    Description:
       Have you ever noticed that when people say they get they're inspiration from someone, they then go on to say that they are original? If you are inspired by someone else, does that make you original? Or does that make you a clone? A duplicate? A candy-coated copy? You decide.
    If this pisses anyone off, I'm sorry. It's just a poem. Calm down.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOriginality?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I saw in the mirror
    a little girl
    who, in her hand,
    had the world.


    I stared right at
    my pink lips
    and thought to myself,
    "I can do this."


    I glared into my eyes,
    mocking discreetly.
    And I said aloud,
    "Don't hate me sweetly."


    My friends came in,
    and I noticed right then,
    that their faces reflected mine;
    more mirrors again.


    So I finally decided
    to break free.
    Followed the little girl's example,
    but the mirrors followed me.


    Shit.




    Submitted on 2010-02-06 18:19:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think

    being inspired by someone doesn't make you a clone, nor borrowing ideas from people, not if you make them your own and allow them to develop in your own mind, in your own way. So, so, I think it's what you do with the borrowing, you know? If you just copy it outright, well, that's not original, but it's impossible to spend time with people and not soak up some things from them.

    I'd like to see this poem withoput the rhyme scheme, and I say that because if you aren't so comfortable with rhyme to follow an abab scheme without it messing up your syntax, or what you're actually expressing, then you lose something. And there are ways of keeping freeverse poetry poetic, with internal rhymes and allieration and just making it feel good to read aloud, you know?

    I like what you're doing with this, but it feels a little stifled by the scheme you follow, and I read under one of your haikus that you weren't so comfortable, so, so. But I also think that rhyming can add a lot to a piece, when it's done well, and is definitely something worth pursuing, so if you want this poem to rhyme then maybe use longer lines, to allow you to express yourself more fully, you know? So the rhyming adds rather than takes, I mean... I'm totally unable to use rhyming or meter without it taking away from what I write, so I'm not the best to advise at all.

    Your ending is ace, the mirrors following you is a high point in this, for sure, and then that [censored], yes. Made me smile. I like that you fling a dash of humour into this, makes it more yours, you know?

    Take care,

    Aly
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182698

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry