Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Citadeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AtrophyEmpathos
    ASL Info:    19 M California
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 45/55/29
    Words: 356
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2477



    Description:
       Pretty horrible... the entire concept is underdeveloped and the emotional impact isn't exactly crushing. Nonetheless at least I think I did something original... I hope. Please comment.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Citadeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Stand before the doors
    Of this Citadel

    Inside, a thousand peaceful voices
    Raining harmony from a subtle sky
    Light breaking gently through the
    Downturned leaves of autumn trees

    Dressed in flowing white
    There is a dream that kneels
    With heart and sword
    In equal hand

    Stand before the doors
    Of Truth and Justice

    Fear not

    Doors
    After all
    Are only doors

    Step forward and become
    Measure up and go forth
    Into the unknown and mystery

    Walk onward
    The path is safe
    These heavy doors seem lighter
    As they finally meet your touch

    And while they close behind you
    Pay no mind
    The world outside forgotten;
    Now come unto this new one blind

    Though memory may be lost
    in this drowsy wonderland;
    While self may be tossed upon
    the searing tides of destruction
    There is peace

    See the night behind your eyes
    In a world of perpetual darkness
    It is yours now

    Walk with me
    Under a canopy of flames
    To see the skies afire
    Or see them burning down

    Truth
    Is after all
    Elusive

    So wander sightless in this Citadel
    Yet sense it doubly more
    Walk soft upon the moss and grass
    And drink this earthly lore

    Overturn and discover
    Over and under

    Imagination
    Is after all
    Alive

    Wonder, more substantial than reality
    Because it is our own

    Inside the doors
    Of this Citadel

    Realize that we are the imagination of the world
    That creates us and forgets us
    Each one of us a brilliant dream
    Of atoms and energy

    None of it real
    But all of it beautiful...

    For how can anything be real and definite
    That ceases to exist?

    And are we no more
    Than the sum of our parts?

    We are what thoughts and dreams
    We cherish and follow
    We are no less and no more
    Than what we believe.

    Despair
    Is after all
    Choice.

    So stand before the doors
    Of this Citadel

    Look upon them and fear not
    For you are set free.




    Submitted on 2004-07-23 04:06:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hm - This thing kinda meandered around for a long time. I was starting to wonder if this was just some description of some dream place. then when you started saying stuff of interest it seemed a departure instead of a extension of the description.

    Some of those assertions would trip up some people too. For instance aren't we also what other people think we are? My Great-grandmother exists in my head, and she is exactly what I think she is. My Grandmother exists in philly, and to my knowledge (which is my only measure) she is also exactly who I think.

    Also some of the imagery is sketchy, although most of it is very pretty. For instance, I'm not sure how I feel about 'searing tides'. There are some juxtapositions that just sound wrong in practice but good in logic. Also, would it be the heart and sword that peace carry? Should the heart be one of the major players in peace? For instance when the Goths swept into the Roman empire they were fleeing starvation, but also killing alot of people. The heart would try to find some middleground, which was there for a while as both sides battled to kill each other. In the end, peace was acccomplished through the justice of the Romans having had their day in the sun and the Goths just beginning it. Perhaps you might change that heart to a balance?
    shard
    | Posted on 2004-08-10 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good...beautiful imagery...could use a lttle punctuation to help the flow...also, once i walked through the doors and began to experience this...i was confused when i was told to stand before them again in the end...tripped me up a little...very nicely done...not sure about that pic, though...it's pretty funny...good job...
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    18271

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry