Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untouchabledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AtrophyEmpathos
    ASL Info:    19 M California
    Elite Ratio:    4.39 - 45/55/29
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 836



    Description:
       One of my more desperately emotional pieces. Hardly poetry... but I feel this is one of the better evocations of my feelings.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntouchabledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Again, hope is lost.
    Funny, just today while I was walking,
    A thin strand of spider web hung delicately in the air,
    Rapt in the wind but floating free.
    The sun caught it in a glistening shimmer and
    For a moment it seemed very beautiful and important.
    But as I reached out to touch the strand it snagged -
    Wrapping around my hand, it was cruelly destroyed.

    Even as I walked on and brushed the remnants aside,
    A faint tingle played at my nerves maddeningly, ever present.
    Though is was nothing and I knew it only for a moment,
    Its delicate fading would not be ignored.
    However little that it mattered in the greater sense
    It was a part of me;
    It would linger in my heart
    Long after it had been forgotten in my mind.




    Submitted on 2004-07-23 04:12:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      To me, this applies generally to life. As in, no matter how tiny and unimportant things may be, they always have an effect on your life. Not immediately perhaps, but someday you'll recall those tiny unimportant details again.
    | Posted on 2004-08-02 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      wow .. i like this alot. good piece.keep it up.. its great. lol. i dont know what u mean by hardly poetry b/c words are just words. and poetry is just about how u feel. its great i like it alot..
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by natasha | [ Reply to This ]
      nice meteaphor...original...and i could feel it...that web...even after it is gone...your mind feels it still...loike when you start to itch at the mere sight of the mosuito...great job...
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes I would go with the non-colonics...
    And the poem though prose-like does evoke what you set out to evoke I think.
    A remembrance though real, one of hopeful inconsequence. The spider web ####### is a clever one and not over-used though I would consider moving violently to the word before destroyed...
    It would read better - for me at least.
    And welcome indeed.
    Later,
    K
    | Posted on 2004-07-23 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this very nicely evokes that wispy way some memories have of haunting us,--the cobweb metaphor is perfectly deployed here. I think it is poetic,--prose-poetry perhaps, and certainly has some tangible imagery--(it makes me brish away a cobweb--that isn't there--)The only suggestion I can think of to improve it would be to play with these lines--
    "But as I reached out to touch the strand it snagged;
    Wrapping violently around my hand, it was destroyed."

    Perhaps it is the semi-colon--or the "wrapping violently" part---or maybe just the word "violently" itself--maybe "cruelly" or "fiercely" That was the only part i stumbled over--but the over-all effect is delicately, yet powerfully evocative.
    Good One, Silver
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    18272

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Chelebel
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bond written by saartha
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry