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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 395
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 328
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2484



    Description:
       Sometimes as you write your thoughts and feelings, a story sparks. It can reflect anything you are thinking or feeling at the moment. Or it can be totally random. Even so, it most likely contains some memories.

    This one such. If I recall correctly, three different ex-girlfriends of mine were on my mind. Enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dreams, they can so easily turn to dust and transform themselves in nightmares. What once seemed like heaven is now hell, and your insides are ripped out.

    You twist and turn, scream and beg;

    "Make it stop!" you yell ever so loudly. But your pleas fall in vain, lost amongst the darkness that covers the world. No one can hear you, and quite frankly no one cares if you scream.

    You open your arms, and see an angelic face. The person of your dreams stares at you with a wicked smile on their face. Mistook them as an angel, fell for their poisonous kiss.

    You stare at the smile, forgetting all the pain. Such simple tranquility in such a simple grace. But a part of you screams to run, to hide, to disappear. You were never meant for something so heavenly. You were never meant to have them. All the pain in the world is nothing compared to the hollow you feel inside of you as you realize this fact.

    You were never meant to live in the same world as angels. They fly with so much grace above you, you'd never catch up, you'd never be one of them.

    "Close your eyes little one" It whispers softly. Without hesitation, you obey, closing your eyes and placing your fears and hopes within the angel. After all, angels never hurt anyone, right?

    But as another second passes with your eyes closed, you feel something stab into your chest. The hollowness, it gets worst, but the pain is over riding it. Now you can't feel anything.

    Your eyes shoot open, and you stare at the face, now so evil and twisted. A sword was in their hand, right from the start, and it had been thrust into your heart.

    As the eternal darkness sets in, you're at lost at what to feel. You feel so calm within this so called angel's grasp. You sink further into madness as your life slowly and surely fades away.

    You still see it as for what it came as: An angel so divine that not even the Gods can control.

    And you slowly realize; Death was the ultimate favor you had heard




    Submitted on 2010-02-08 14:08:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow. Simply Amazing.
    Your Words Are Always Bringing Tears Into My Eyes.
    It Catches My Heart In A Way That I Don't Want it Too. Yet, Openly Embrace It.

    What You Wrote Made My Heart Visit The Good And Bad Feelings Of The Past.
    The Pain 'Stabbing' Me Ever So Gently.

    This Is Really Great.
    Beautiful <3
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by TsukikoHamino | [ Reply to This ]
      The ending was sort of... random. I guess I can't comprehend the meaning of that last line or someting, but it seems sort of unnecessary. "Ultimate favor"? Why is that?


    I liked your paragraphing. The story was split just right. I'm not one to choose second person POV, but if that suits you...


    This had almost no grammatical errors. Kudos to you. Although I could see a couple that could easily be fixed with the "edit" button.


    I can sort of relate to this, although I have never been spiraling downwards this badly. I mean, like... with my ex-girlfriend, Nikki. I thought of her as the world, as a true "angel", and then she tore me down and "stabbed" me in the back. Or, "chest", as you had typed.


    It was pretty good, although it could use a few touch ups. Some of the sentences seemed irrelevant to the whole piece, and I believe once you go over it, you'll be able to find them.
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by AshKetchumLuv | [ Reply to This ]


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