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il silensio

Author: Someones Epiphany
Elite Ratio:    8 - 4454 /2107 /161
Words: 134
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 2398
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il silensio

This story has multiple endings
Of which I am only one:

You are the space
Between the fingers
Of god and his adam
On the Sistine chapel ceiling--

The epitome of all
half arsed attempts
To reach out
To someone giving their all
To be near you

     And you are a door
     To throw rocks at;
     A letterbox
     Of unanswered apologies

     Muttering something
     about the way we accidently
     S t u m b l e
     Across ourselves and the way things could
     Have been
     Had variables been different

          You are secrets
          Relayed in shorthand
          In attempt to retain
          Or feign mystery

And I am the held breath
The craned neck
The anticipation
il silensio

Submitted on 2010-02-09 03:30:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
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5: Wow!


  i like your lower case god and adam and upper case sistine because that tells me what mood you were in when you wrote this.

that things madeth by man are seeable-touchable and yes, if you like, hittable hardable too.

maybe you would write it differently now but i daresay that it would be just as eloquently put.

you have always (it seems to me) been able to articulate a yearning well and this is no exception: this expresses a yearning in the shape of a neck, whose cords would strain more yet if only. if only...

and it seems that you are all taken care of - and variables are by their very nature different...

take care doll,


| Posted on 2010-04-17 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  What's interesting about this piece, JD is, that, like Isabella said, it feels like a lost of breath. You know what I think. Maybe everyone knows about that feeling, you know? The one where it feels like you might be falling, and somehow your beath catches. Maybe just before or just after you've seen something absolutely glorious. What I want to say it that, you capture that feeling so well, with the spacing, and especially the title of the poem, that I think anyone who reads this may relive this. I don't wanna be as arrogant as to speak for anyone else, but that's my thought on it. I think this is glorious. Like the catching of a breath before sunset.
| Posted on 2010-03-28 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]

The way you opened up was really eye catching in my perspective

"This story has many endings, of which I am only one"

I figure that is because everyone goes through these "scenarios" time and time again. heh.

I enjoy the ideas behind, I figure it wasn't just one, but more.


"You are the space
Between the fingers
Of god and his adam"

This part I found it a bit confusing.

You are what stands between man and heaven?
Perhaps I just don't get it.

" You are secrets
Relayed in shorthand
In attempt to retain
Or feign mystery"

This, by far, is my favorite part. It reminds me of the whole you make yourself seem what you want to be seen as. And of course, we all have secrets.

Overall, I enjoyed this read, very much. Now I know why so many people take their time to read your works, you have great talent, but I'm sure you already know that.

Keep up the good work and hope to see much more from you in the near future
| Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by Dark Dann | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good JD I like it. Keep going you have become stronger. Luv Joachim
| Posted on 2010-03-01 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
  1. Be honest.

I think the framework is there, certainly this is good, but there's something about the balance between what is incredibly complex thought and what is simple statement,

and it's not even about those two things,for me it's about the lines that lie between those two planes.

I think perhaps only these two lines:

In attempt to retain
Or feign mystery

... if you could ratchet them up to the level of the distance between god/chapel thought
then everything else would sit just right.

i was excited to read this.

kiwi proud, proud of a kiwi, you know?
| Posted on 2010-02-13 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  I remember this, it was awesome then and still is awesome! Love it.
| Posted on 2010-02-12 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

i don't know if i actually can find the words as to why this hits me the way it does. but it hits me. like a kick to the stomach or something.
| Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?