i like your lower case god and adam and upper case sistine because that tells me what mood you were in when you wrote this.
that things madeth by man are seeable-touchable and yes, if you like, hittable hardable too.
maybe you would write it differently now but i daresay that it would be just as eloquently put.
you have always (it seems to me) been able to articulate a yearning well and this is no exception: this expresses a yearning in the shape of a neck, whose cords would strain more yet if only. if only...
and it seems that you are all taken care of - and variables are by their very nature different...
What's interesting about this piece, JD is, that, like Isabella said, it feels like a lost of breath. You know what I think. Maybe everyone knows about that feeling, you know? The one where it feels like you might be falling, and somehow your beath catches. Maybe just before or just after you've seen something absolutely glorious. What I want to say it that, you capture that feeling so well, with the spacing, and especially the title of the poem, that I think anyone who reads this may relive this. I don't wanna be as arrogant as to speak for anyone else, but that's my thought on it. I think this is glorious. Like the catching of a breath before sunset.
The way you opened up was really eye catching in my perspective
"This story has many endings, of which I am only one"
I figure that is because everyone goes through these "scenarios" time and time again. heh.
I enjoy the ideas behind, I figure it wasn't just one, but more.
Though...
"You are the space
Between the fingers
Of god and his adam"
This part I found it a bit confusing.
You are what stands between man and heaven?
Perhaps I just don't get it.
" You are secrets
Relayed in shorthand
In attempt to retain
Or feign mystery"
This, by far, is my favorite part. It reminds me of the whole you make yourself seem what you want to be seen as. And of course, we all have secrets.
Overall, I enjoyed this read, very much. Now I know why so many people take their time to read your works, you have great talent, but I'm sure you already know that.
Keep up the good work and hope to see much more from you in the near future
I think the framework is there, certainly this is good, but there's something about the balance between what is incredibly complex thought and what is simple statement,
and it's not even about those two things,for me it's about the lines that lie between those two planes.
I think perhaps only these two lines:
In attempt to retain
Or feign mystery
... if you could ratchet them up to the level of the distance between god/chapel thought
then everything else would sit just right.
Submission Name: il silensio
