This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17. It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different. All content will be deleted. Backup anything important. --- Staff
|
|
This story has multiple endings Of which I am only one: You are the space Between the fingers Of god and his adam On the Sistine chapel ceiling-- The epitome of all half arsed attempts To reach out To someone giving their all To be near you And you are a door To throw rocks at; A letterbox Of unanswered apologies Muttering something about the way we accidently S t u m b l e Across ourselves and the way things could Have been Had variables been different You are secrets Relayed in shorthand In attempt to retain Or feign mystery And I am the held breath The craned neck The anticipation il silensio |
i like your lower case god and adam and upper case sistine because that tells me what mood you were in when you wrote this. that things madeth by man are seeable-touchable and yes, if you like, hittable hardable too. maybe you would write it differently now but i daresay that it would be just as eloquently put. you have always (it seems to me) been able to articulate a yearning well and this is no exception: this expresses a yearning in the shape of a neck, whose cords would strain more yet if only. if only... and it seems that you are all taken care of - and variables are by their very nature different... take care doll, k | Posted on 2010-04-17 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ] | What's interesting about this piece, JD is, that, like Isabella said, it feels like a lost of breath. You know what I think. Maybe everyone knows about that feeling, you know? The one where it feels like you might be falling, and somehow your beath catches. Maybe just before or just after you've seen something absolutely glorious. What I want to say it that, you capture that feeling so well, with the spacing, and especially the title of the poem, that I think anyone who reads this may relive this. I don't wanna be as arrogant as to speak for anyone else, but that's my thought on it. I think this is glorious. Like the catching of a breath before sunset. | | Posted on 2010-03-28 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ] | Interesting... | The way you opened up was really eye catching in my perspective "This story has many endings, of which I am only one" I figure that is because everyone goes through these "scenarios" time and time again. heh. I enjoy the ideas behind, I figure it wasn't just one, but more. Though... "You are the space Between the fingers Of god and his adam" This part I found it a bit confusing. You are what stands between man and heaven? Perhaps I just don't get it. " You are secrets Relayed in shorthand In attempt to retain Or feign mystery" This, by far, is my favorite part. It reminds me of the whole you make yourself seem what you want to be seen as. And of course, we all have secrets. Overall, I enjoyed this read, very much. Now I know why so many people take their time to read your works, you have great talent, but I'm sure you already know that. Keep up the good work and hope to see much more from you in the near future | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by Dark Dann | [ Reply to This ] | This is good JD I like it. Keep going you have become stronger. Luv Joachim | | Posted on 2010-03-01 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ] | 1. Be honest. | I think the framework is there, certainly this is good, but there's something about the balance between what is incredibly complex thought and what is simple statement, and it's not even about those two things,for me it's about the lines that lie between those two planes. I think perhaps only these two lines: In attempt to retain Or feign mystery ... if you could ratchet them up to the level of the distance between god/chapel thought then everything else would sit just right. Still, i was excited to read this. kiwi proud, proud of a kiwi, you know? | Posted on 2010-02-13 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ] | I remember this, it was awesome then and still is awesome! Love it. | | Posted on 2010-02-12 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ] | yeah. | i don't know if i actually can find the words as to why this hits me the way it does. but it hits me. like a kick to the stomach or something. | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ] | |