Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ...Run. Gone.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AshKetchumLuv
    ASL Info:    17/Ladeh/Nonyabeezwax
    Elite Ratio:    6.63 - 14/15/12
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Haiku/Love
    Total Views: 504
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 429



    Description:
       Uhhh, another love haiku. I just love haikus, simply because I am no good with rhyme. Please enjoy... O-o Although... it's sort of...er... lame.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...Run. Gone.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here we are again,
    Our eyes finally meeting.
    Our faces so close.


    I love that smile.
    I know it is all for me.
    Like mine is for you.


    I reach out to you;
    You also reach for my hand.
    They grasp together.


    We face the sunset.
    We take one foot forward first,
    And then we run. Gone.


    <3




    Submitted on 2010-02-09 08:12:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was very plain, but strikes the right chords, if one reads it with the right feeling. I enjoyed its simplicity. I usually like more complex pieces; however, I respect your form of writing for what it is. Everybody composes in their own way, their own light. I do.
    The piece you read was not supposed to accumulate comments. As I mentioned in my commentary request, I said: nothing. However, I do not mind if people still wish to comment. ...I just don't want constructive criticism. The piece was meant to reveal my emotional state on the loss of a beloved abuelo, my grandfather. That is all, all of it. Most of my work is as such. The form of writing means very little to me, all the time.
    I do thank you overall however for the comment and your words. I appreciate anything. -and, as I said, I enjoy your work as well.

    C.
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by misschalloner | [ Reply to This ]
      Good stuff. I like them because of the bare bones approach. I'm so sick of haikus written simply because the writer can't sustain a good idea for more than a few lines. These don't try to be great works of prose, you keep it simple and that's dead cool. There is an implied melody here.

    Cheers!

    -Craig
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      actually, i like this. even though there are haiku-nazis out there that will say they should be about nature. i say screw em and play with the form how ever you like.

    yes. this has something. each little bit has something.


    anyhoo...

    an unspecified. (smile).
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182792

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Giving written by jjd
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry