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    dots Submission Name: ...Run. Gone.dots

    Author: AshKetchumLuv
    ASL Info:    17/Ladeh/Nonyabeezwax
    Elite Ratio:    6.63 - 14/15/12
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Haiku/Love
    Total Views: 479
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 429

       Uhhh, another love haiku. I just love haikus, simply because I am no good with rhyme. Please enjoy... O-o Although... it's sort of...er... lame.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...Run. Gone.dots

    Here we are again,
    Our eyes finally meeting.
    Our faces so close.

    I love that smile.
    I know it is all for me.
    Like mine is for you.

    I reach out to you;
    You also reach for my hand.
    They grasp together.

    We face the sunset.
    We take one foot forward first,
    And then we run. Gone.


    Submitted on 2010-02-09 08:12:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was very plain, but strikes the right chords, if one reads it with the right feeling. I enjoyed its simplicity. I usually like more complex pieces; however, I respect your form of writing for what it is. Everybody composes in their own way, their own light. I do.
    The piece you read was not supposed to accumulate comments. As I mentioned in my commentary request, I said: nothing. However, I do not mind if people still wish to comment. ...I just don't want constructive criticism. The piece was meant to reveal my emotional state on the loss of a beloved abuelo, my grandfather. That is all, all of it. Most of my work is as such. The form of writing means very little to me, all the time.
    I do thank you overall however for the comment and your words. I appreciate anything. -and, as I said, I enjoy your work as well.

    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by misschalloner | [ Reply to This ]
      Good stuff. I like them because of the bare bones approach. I'm so sick of haikus written simply because the writer can't sustain a good idea for more than a few lines. These don't try to be great works of prose, you keep it simple and that's dead cool. There is an implied melody here.


    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]
      actually, i like this. even though there are haiku-nazis out there that will say they should be about nature. i say screw em and play with the form how ever you like.

    yes. this has something. each little bit has something.


    an unspecified. (smile).
    | Posted on 2010-02-09 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
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