Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sinkingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DarkGunslinger
    Elite Ratio:    2.43 - 7/25/23
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 570



    Description:
       clearly influenced by Godspeed You! Black Emperor.

    enjoy, or kill yourself. Whatever suits thy fancy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSinkingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A ship stands empty in the harbor
    There is no sound
    The seagulls have all died
    and all the metal has rusted

    Men look to the sky for answers
    and the stars are glass
    reflecting their shame and fear
    and all the metal has rusted

    Fires light the world in orange
    stained glass blood
    spills onto the broken concrete
    and all the metal is rusted

    A ship stands in an empty harbor
    there is no sound
    all the sailors have died
    and all the metal is rusted




    Submitted on 2010-02-10 23:26:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I laughed when you said enjoy or killl yourself then I read the poem and it actually depressed me even though i have no clue why. Anyway This is amazing I love the imagery the flow and how in the last stanza changing two words from the first stanza makes it so much worse to invision. It read so easily and nearly brought me to tears and at the end still left me sitting asking you why in the heck did this make me so freaking sad? I like a write that forces you to think and in its simple way this one does just that. Definatley a fav. Great piece, keep writing.

    sarah
    | Posted on 2010-02-11 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    182856

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Push written by JanePlane
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Linger written by saartha
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    To written by SavedDragon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry