[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: No One Can Touch My Heartdots

    Author: AshKetchumLuv
    ASL Info:    17/Ladeh/Nonyabeezwax
    Elite Ratio:    6.63 - 14/15/12
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 518
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 644

       I... don't want to talk about it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo One Can Touch My Heartdots

    I need your arms around me
    to hold me together.
    I'm waiting for you to remind me
    about forever.

    You're at home, I bet
    without a care in the world.
    And I'm here, huddled in a ball
    that one lonely girl.

    I try to cry, but aparrently
    it's easier to do with witnesses.
    And the tears come along fast
    when I think of you calling me, "My princess."

    I wish you could see how broken I am
    when we are so far apart.
    So until you can see me again,
    no one can touch my heart.

    Submitted on 2010-02-13 12:18:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I try to cry, but aparrently
    it's easier to do with witnesses.
    And the tears come along fast
    when I think of you calling me, "My princess."

    That was my least favorite part.

    apparently* not my issue though

    witnesses feels forced with my princess just syllable wise.

    Great start, skyhawk gave solid pointers, i think you certainly have a foundation. if you edit i'd love to see the revised copy.
    | Posted on 2010-02-15 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe you have a solid layout here. Your ideas are all there, however it is now time for you to be poetic about it.

    Think about the little details and images that could define these feelings. The scent of the beloved, the feel of skin on skin, the touch of fingers, the taste of the air, the sounds of breathing, all of these sensations and more could really add more depth and meaning to this.

    Basically, think beyond the means of simple wording and expression and make this into a poem that breathes of life. Make this your own.
    | Posted on 2010-02-14 00:00:00 | by Skyhawk | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    AI written by poetotoe
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    True Death written by layDsayD
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]