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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 365
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       I just wrote this and thought I should post it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemorydots
    -------------------------------------------



    Ghosts are made of memories.
    A material that has no essence but a sense of mystery.
    It is behind a stigmatized curtain, full of holes
    But still hanging there,
    Teased by the wind
    On relaxed days
    And silenced by the sun,
    When the light is revealing
    But partial.
    The need to touch the curtain
    Is always present
    Encouraged by pillows
    Paused by short and unexpected sub noises
    Lost
    within the whiteness of the wall.
    Temporary microscopic marks
    And you locate something special
    Something new that the past has to offer.
    The mind becomes an antenna,
    And the curtain is touched
    by a constellation of memories.




    Submitted on 2010-02-16 17:40:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is almost quite good.

    i liked the depth of thought and the rhythm of the poem.

    the second last line is where the poem is best, stopped.

    Temporary microscopic marks
    And you locate something special

    i like how you can change the tone,
    there's a lovely immediate and strong quality about that.

    i'd say that the pillow bit refers to sleep but that that is a weak spot, leaving too much work for the reader in that in this sort of a poem i think it is better that you lead. For the most part you do.

    i'd spend a few more glorious hours on this and see what you could come up with.

    some poems sit too long without comment. this is one of those, so hopefully something here will get you moving.
    | Posted on 2010-02-17 00:00:00 | by theAlysonDiarys | [ Reply to This ]


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