Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Memorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AutumnLeaves
    ASL Info:    26/f/ Cyprus
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 95/103/44
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 407
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758



    Description:
       I just wrote this and thought I should post it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMemorydots
    -------------------------------------------



    Ghosts are made of memories.
    A material that has no essence but a sense of mystery.
    It is behind a stigmatized curtain, full of holes
    But still hanging there,
    Teased by the wind
    On relaxed days
    And silenced by the sun,
    When the light is revealing
    But partial.
    The need to touch the curtain
    Is always present
    Encouraged by pillows
    Paused by short and unexpected sub noises
    Lost
    within the whiteness of the wall.
    Temporary microscopic marks
    And you locate something special
    Something new that the past has to offer.
    The mind becomes an antenna,
    And the curtain is touched
    by a constellation of memories.




    Submitted on 2010-02-16 17:40:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is almost quite good.

    i liked the depth of thought and the rhythm of the poem.

    the second last line is where the poem is best, stopped.

    Temporary microscopic marks
    And you locate something special

    i like how you can change the tone,
    there's a lovely immediate and strong quality about that.

    i'd say that the pillow bit refers to sleep but that that is a weak spot, leaving too much work for the reader in that in this sort of a poem i think it is better that you lead. For the most part you do.

    i'd spend a few more glorious hours on this and see what you could come up with.

    some poems sit too long without comment. this is one of those, so hopefully something here will get you moving.
    | Posted on 2010-02-17 00:00:00 | by theAlysonDiarys | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183014

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Linger written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To written by SavedDragon
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    This written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry