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    dots Submission Name: Imputationdots

    Author: AshKetchumLuv
    ASL Info:    17/Ladeh/Nonyabeezwax
    Elite Ratio:    6.63 - 14/15/12
    Words: 160
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 575
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 996

       I think this is my most powerful piece thus far. I don't like the first line, third stanza very much; if anyone could help me find another way to word that, that'd be toooootally appreciated. Juuust so you know, this is revolving around the pre-Civil Rights era. We were discussing it in class, and I thought I'd write about it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I stand straight and tall at the podium.
    My wrists are shackled, as are my ankles.
    The woman smirks at me with pearly whites.
    I can only glare at her pale face.

    What had I done to deserve this fate?
    What was my sin for this accusation?
    I am but a black man, wife dead, two kids.
    And yet she tries to take that from me.

    There was no rape, no harm really done.
    So why do I stand here, chained down?
    Because she is the one who had sinned.
    That hateful, ungrateful widow.

    I had no money, nothing to spare her.
    But still, I allowed that wench into my home.
    She attacked me, she violated me.
    Yet I stand here, possibly facing death.

    The judge has finally reached a verdict.
    I listen carefully for his next words.
    "Guilty," he says, his blue eyes accusing.
    My life had died because of imputation.

    Submitted on 2010-02-18 10:23:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Commentary type requested: Unspecified ....so I guess I am given the privilege to blast also....

    Hmm The goods~~
    a. The poem was clear cut.
    b. The wonderful part is there is very less rhyme and its nice to see someone write a poem without rhymes..

    the bad~~~
    a. Not powerful enough. Needs more oomph. (Try 'Hate' that I have written. That has what you can say powerful hate.)
    b. The poem was too bland. (Tooooooooo bland)

    Modification suggestion requested in the description

    3rd stanza
    "The woman smirks at me with pearly whites."
    - smirk did the white devil in pearl~~~something like this

    1st stanza
    "I stand straight and tall at the podium."
    - Stand do I at the gates of justice, in bars....
    | Posted on 2010-02-18 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]

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