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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "The One"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefhy
    ASL Info:    21/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 165/83/37
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 940



    Description:
       Not quite what you'd expect from the title...
    But we all have so much to learn when it comes to all 'the one'(s) we have in our lifetime.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"The One"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's like the rain is still fresh,
    the knife still cold.
    The pain hasn't dulled,
    as the wound grows old.
    The blood is still warm,
    and the beat is still strong.
    Though the cracks are ever louder,
    with the breaking of dawn.

    It's not just that I've loved you,
    for far too many days.
    Or that you can't reciprocate,
    the feelings that you've played.
    The walls were never tumbling
    because you tore them down,
    They only started crumbling
    while you could not be found.

    The heart that lay beside me,
    couldn't hurt me if it tried.
    For all the times it took a shot,
    Love would blind my eyes.
    But now I stay, with vision back
    And a hole etched in my soul.
    I built my life around 'The One',
    The One, I did not know.





    Submitted on 2010-02-21 02:05:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      So whom may I say is this "one" that you write about?

    a dagger strikes less than the wound of love

    i can relate as of late. i fell in love thinking that this woman didn't have feelings for me as she didn't convey anything and then one of her friends tells me that she liked me only after she was engaged to someone else and left the country.

    a mortal wound to the soul
    to sap my will, i think
    was their goal
    | Posted on 2010-04-19 00:00:00 | by dax | [ Reply to This ]
      Steffy, this is so sad, but it is well thought out and really good. It tells a very lucid story that we can all relate to and has excellent structure and rhyme scheme.

    The slings and arrows of love provide a lot of material for poetry!
    | Posted on 2010-04-05 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      It's like the rain is still fresh,
    the knife still cold.
    The pain hasn't dulled,
    as the wound grows old.
    The blood is still warm,
    and the beat is still strong.
    Though the cracks are ever louder,
    with the breaking of dawn.

    It's not just that I've loved you,
    for far too many days.
    Or that you can't reciprocate,

    all of this is promising.

    all after this is where the holes in the rhythm and technical choices start to become apparent.

    imagine that your words will be struck on to a cliff-face, and then I'd say take a look at the imagery/symbolism/ rhyme choices with the mind to making it seem fresh and completely your own.

    if you do that you will spend far longer working on poems and people will spend much more time reading them.

    also, I think you'll develop into a good poet, possibly, certainly I think you'll have the ear for it, and that that will become more finely tuned as you continue on your way.
    | Posted on 2010-02-23 00:00:00 | by theAlysonDiarys | [ Reply to This ]


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