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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Truth in the Liedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ellesmera
    ASL Info:    18. Female. England
    Elite Ratio:    1.6 - 43/263/115
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 927



    Description:
       Something I wrote that started as a signature and developed in to this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Truth in the Liedots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world is not a beautiful place
    One wrong move and youíve lost the race.
    All it takes is to be left behind
    Take a wrong turn and your going blind.

    Fall back and look at the view
    Smell the roses, watch the sunset hue.
    You canít sit back and let the world go by,
    Fish can swim, but you have to fly.

    To destroy the world, you have to make peace
    To take over land, you have to sue grease.
    Get your hands dirty, and cover with ink
    If you canít swim, your gonna sink.

    Hold on to something you hold dear
    Keep on dreaming defeat your fear.
    Run ahead, miss a few goals
    Donít slow down, play a few holes.

    Run to the finish, lets end it now
    Slow down your breathing, you know somehow;
    Its all ending and the race is done
    Nothing matters, whether you lost or won.




    Submitted on 2010-02-24 04:56:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think its pretty good... Good choice of words and you did a good job in putting it all together, but I think it was a bit predictable. When rhyming, try to be a little more spontaneous. Besides that, good job...
    | Posted on 2010-02-24 00:00:00 | by Jazzthief | [ Reply to This ]
      i take u were talking d oil spills on land when u said...sue grease made me feel u were on a pro-environment crusade. when u said get ur hands dirty...cover with ink . sensed a literary battle some activist route. well painted! u lost me in ur last line
    | Posted on 2010-02-24 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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