[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Truth in the Liedots

    Author: ellesmera
    ASL Info:    18. Female. England
    Elite Ratio:    1.6 - 43/263/115
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 927

       Something I wrote that started as a signature and developed in to this.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Truth in the Liedots

    The world is not a beautiful place
    One wrong move and youíve lost the race.
    All it takes is to be left behind
    Take a wrong turn and your going blind.

    Fall back and look at the view
    Smell the roses, watch the sunset hue.
    You canít sit back and let the world go by,
    Fish can swim, but you have to fly.

    To destroy the world, you have to make peace
    To take over land, you have to sue grease.
    Get your hands dirty, and cover with ink
    If you canít swim, your gonna sink.

    Hold on to something you hold dear
    Keep on dreaming defeat your fear.
    Run ahead, miss a few goals
    Donít slow down, play a few holes.

    Run to the finish, lets end it now
    Slow down your breathing, you know somehow;
    Its all ending and the race is done
    Nothing matters, whether you lost or won.

    Submitted on 2010-02-24 04:56:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think its pretty good... Good choice of words and you did a good job in putting it all together, but I think it was a bit predictable. When rhyming, try to be a little more spontaneous. Besides that, good job...
    | Posted on 2010-02-24 00:00:00 | by Jazzthief | [ Reply to This ]
      i take u were talking d oil spills on land when u said...sue grease made me feel u were on a pro-environment crusade. when u said get ur hands dirty...cover with ink . sensed a literary battle some activist route. well painted! u lost me in ur last line
    | Posted on 2010-02-24 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]