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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Emptydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cyberpoet
    ASL Info:    21/Male/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 28/18/22
    Words: 38
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 217



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmptydots
    -------------------------------------------


    My soul has left my body with nothing but an empty shadow.
    The shadow moves the lifeless body.
    No emotion shows.
    Night falls and the shadow begins to fade away and so does the person left inside.




    Submitted on 2010-02-24 13:07:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very emotional yet unemotional piece you have written here. Its straight out there.

    I think that if you look over it and change the format a little, it would do alot for this write.

    Buster
    | Posted on 2010-06-26 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      my soul has left my body with
    nothing but a shadow

    although the lifeless shadow moves
    emotions never show

    night falls as the shadow's form
    begins to fade away

    as the person left inside
    suffers the same ache...



    Your post has a very raw edge that reflects the emotions you describe in your journal entry and hint at some very good work lodged inside you. I suggest you take this short poem and revise/expand it or even experiment with diffreent arrangements of words and phrases to see what sort of effect you arrive at. Try to enjoy the writing as much as possible and allow it grow from you onto the page. By the same token, don'y be afraid to change your work as you develop. I experimented with your post and made some major changes in some areas and some minor tweaks in others to show you how you can refine your writing (if you choose to do so). Of course, what you change and what you leave unchanged is entirely up to you.

    Welcome to the site.
    Bill



    | Posted on 2010-02-25 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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