my soul has left my body with
nothing but a shadow
although the lifeless shadow moves
emotions never show
night falls as the shadow's form
begins to fade away
as the person left inside
suffers the same ache...
Your post has a very raw edge that reflects the emotions you describe in your journal entry and hint at some very good work lodged inside you. I suggest you take this short poem and revise/expand it or even experiment with diffreent arrangements of words and phrases to see what sort of effect you arrive at. Try to enjoy the writing as much as possible and allow it grow from you onto the page. By the same token, don'y be afraid to change your work as you develop. I experimented with your post and made some major changes in some areas and some minor tweaks in others to show you how you can refine your writing (if you choose to do so). Of course, what you change and what you leave unchanged is entirely up to you.