[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: "Comatorium"dots

    Author: Loquacious Mind
    ASL Info:    24/M/North Carolina
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 289/309/98
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1676


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The beauty which lies aback
    silent emotions en-vogue
    Serenity's glass menagerie
    made hourly
    flies past me
    passionately passively
    emphatically chasting
    to chastise guilt of
    that yet come to pass
    perhaps emotional rhetoric
    lyrical texts dilluted
    in depths of sexually-
    altered steps...
    climactic in a sense

    or perhaps
    the barren wastes
    lost in forlorn
    imagery idyllic
    a language buried inside
    the minds of the forgotten
    Harlots and Junkies alike
    all akin
    kithric ilk
    intellectual super-centurions
    misunderstood mis-hap
    halflings born
    of a motherless-
    breast fed through
    a starving eye

    starry night
    or cloudy day
    the rains cease to cease
    in any way worded
    warding away spirits
    with naught but a pen
    in which Life's elixir
    bleeds shades of hues
    to speak nothing
    or say everything
    in either case
    leaves voids inexplicable
    and complications unfettered
    bastard whoresons
    and brazen horses-
    Who is the true Poet
    and where does
    our Critic seek resolve?

    In that of his own words
    or that of his peers
    peering peeled repeal
    repelled pertinence?

    I am the misunderstood
    for to be understood
    refutes Ascension's reason
    to transcend,
    or rather Definition's
    to exist.

    Submitted on 2010-02-24 14:49:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Your first verse here brings visions of the recumbent redemption we all sometimes wish for . Like preterite renditions of estranged ensemble orchestration . The first line of the second verse has got a lot of my poetry pegged , "Soliloquy" being a prime example . I so enjoy some of your phraseology , "Serenity's glass menagerie made hourly" , and "kithric ilk" , and especially "born of a motherless breast fed through a starving eye" . In the third verse I totally agree with your "leaves voids inexplicable" up lacunae . I really like the way you finished this peace , "to be understood refutes ascension's reason to transcend" . In fact I have often spoken of ascension's accessions in similar words . Conversely I often believe in definitionallism's ability to accurately describe .
    | Posted on 2010-03-07 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Following Outlaw's imperative, I came straightaway via "paste and link" provided just to see... a salve of verbation which causes pause and focus. Relaxing after the fact, like what you keep top shelf in your mental cabinet.

    | Posted on 2010-02-26 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      emphatically chasting -- chasing?
    perhaps emotional rhetoric -- perhaps "pathos" rhetoric?
    in depths of sexually- --- these three
    altered steps... ---- verses are just
    climactic in a sense ---- so damn sexy.
    kithric ilk -- I've seen this from you before. wtf is kithric?
    intellectual super-centurions -- rather, Hyperion?
    bleeds shades of hues --- and in of's stead?
    peering peeled repeal ---- another how to say
    repelled pertinence? ---- ecchi combination per se
    Perhaps instead of pertinence, however, you'd consider "repentance" -- perhaps you already have and disapprove.. that is also fine.

    Those nips aside... here's the response to your poem...

    Lacunulose Vomitorium

    Let me pay to execute a locution
    propose a value to a function
    whose output is fact; factitious
    alienation denoting rigorous
    recuse of the used pillars
    of a dead decayed social filler
    mainstream filter-jabberwocky
    spot me man, what is my treaty
    how do I feel? forest fire, forest fire
    a child ululating like a choir
    underfoot god, seraph song
    the beauty of a climax is ascertained
    when the mind is elsewhere entertained
    ensconced in thoughts of a lover
    unraveled by infinities much wider

    alas, verdure pornography
    for the mind, a sycophant to logicality-
    piss on fear, the killer of minds
    sickly stickler starving sight in kinds
    many vines protruding the likes
    pulchritude of oedipal Ophelia
    Antigone gone wild, purchase insomnia
    midday suicide at the hourglass’ hikes
    thru forest fire, forest fire
    a child ululating like a choir
    grow up and blow up afore
    we misunderstand your soar

    Here I'd like to throw you back to another one of my old poems... antigone related, obviously. In one of my french classes in high school, I was the only one to stand and argue that perhaps her character was purposefully being misunderstood for the lost beauty of the inherently neglected art. Anyways, here is the bit I want to show you...
    And what of the fairytale character
    made to not be understood?
    What of the rebel for unjust cause,
    unmasking the stupidity of comprehension
    by being misunderstood?

    Do the Gods smile upon her incestuous grave?

    | Posted on 2010-02-26 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel humbled, for I cannot possibly wrap my head around the many things semi-implied, or perhaps not, seemingly casually strewn into being.
    Or not.

    I liked it. *will read it over and over to try and grasp the entirety of the thing*

    I liked the last part best; it seemed different from the rest, though upon second glancing, no easier to understand for a noob such as I, who had to part-time dictionary some of these words in order to find a better understanding of the whole.

    Ah, poor me.
    Keep up the good work!~
    | Posted on 2010-02-24 00:00:00 | by Urisen | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]