Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: It's Just Clockworkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KeeperOfLight
    ASL Info:    23, Vancouver BC
    Elite Ratio:    2.54 - 40/64/74
    Words: 385
    Class/Type: Poetry/Political
    Total Views: 441
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 852



    Description:
       A revision from the Previous.
    I am making a short experimental out of this poem
    any thoughts, critique is appreciate :)
    thank you


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIt's Just Clockworkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Everyone is
    up
    In this
    amber
    land
    The trees
    are
    soulless
    the ground
    is the sand,
    and the
    animals are the
    hands
    of time
    the water
    doesn't appear
    it is deep
    within the clogs
    or
    up
    above the glass
    apprehending
    us within
    this sphere
    Our
    Stagflationed souls
    trapped
    within
    this
    non vocable,
    soulless
    land




    Submitted on 2010-02-27 23:05:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      superb piece. I would say adapt it quickly to film. the style and tone and just the general effect i feel are both overpowering and welcoming at the same time. All poetry is semi-revealing of the author and i believe this shows that you are well on your way to a finer understanding the themes and laws that govern (barely) our universe,earth what have you.
    | Posted on 2010-03-09 00:00:00 | by colbybradshaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I like the overall organization and how it makes the peice flow. In a way it makes the voice stronger. It's very originial, good job.
    | Posted on 2010-03-03 00:00:00 | by WhiteTiger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183316

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry