Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: siroez
    ASL Info:    27/Male/WV
    Elite Ratio:    5.23 - 101/87/44
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Prose/Depressed
    Total Views: 1079
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 512



    Description:
       just when you think youve picked yourself up, you may have, but that doesnt dismiss the impact of falling.

    tell me what you think. <3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Frail lungs breathe cold air. My wrists bleed without a mark. Love a complicated gesture I no longer believe lives within me. With a broken beat my heart fails. Stuck on repeat, over and over again, I can see the reserve images fire in my mind.

    Iím Lost in a deep stare while cradling my soul in the dark. The demons have moved closer to shackle me within my own fears, and I canít see. They weigh my desires on a scale, to judge what will never be mine as I lay screaming and blind.




    Submitted on 2010-02-28 20:58:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I feel the words but they are not tied together well enough, I feel you ended too abruptly, building a bit, giving some images but it needs just something more, something you held back when writing this, to pack the punch and end it more powerfully, in my opinion there is potential but it's not fully utilized, all of this could mean something, or nothing as I know nothing about writing, other than it is a disease.
    | Posted on 2013-02-03 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183350

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry