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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Melody of the Souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nikita2u
    ASL Info:    26 Female Wonderlandlust
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 404/396/239
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 940
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       Well this is interesting. What do you think?

    Anyway wrote this to the Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven



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    dotsMelody of the Souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    The soft whisper of breath crawls across the
    naked flesh. Graceful fingers trail down;
    a composition that only she could hear

    Crescendo after crescendo, each note as
    sweet as the last, the lingering remembrance
    of hereafter, no longer a thought, but the
    plea for daylight hours never to come
    rings true.

    Devilish twists, each song reaching
    a different chord. Arching, taunt,
    and glistening flesh gentled under encompassing
    palms.

    Perfections pursuit sought within each baited
    breath. Together they cling as though pressing
    the precious strings of a violin. Baritone and Alto
    singing in unison to the Melody of their Souls.




    Submitted on 2010-02-28 22:38:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A little too cryptic for my tastes. Two musical instruments have sex? Or two choir singers stroking each other in their death bed? Who knows! But it IS imaginative. That part of it I like. But I'd rather search for the meaning within the meaning of events, rather than the phrases themselves. But that is just personal taste.
    | Posted on 2012-03-26 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      this has a very haunting feeling
    kinda like a goth chant
    but on a more DEEPER level


    The soft whisper of breath crawls across the
    naked flesh.

    Amazing just Amazing ....

    bloodstone
    | Posted on 2012-02-17 00:00:00 | by Bloodstone | [ Reply to This ]
      Takes me back, for sure. There must be 10 million evocative descriptions of lovemaking and another ten million to come. This is very evocative and I like it because in plain English you make verse that is far from plain, and because of the sustained metaphor which I always reckon that's what a short poem IS, if it works.

    "Baited" is wrong, you mean "bated". Bait is a bucket of small dead fishes. So maybe the difference means quite a lot , just in that line??
    | Posted on 2012-02-02 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is both beautiful and very alive on so many levels, I will have to read it again later before I can make a proper assessment, some pieces do that to me, usually the ones that really touch something deep inside me, causing me to pause and become slightly confused/stunned in an unexpected way. Ill be back soon.

    Shawn
    | Posted on 2012-01-24 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I love this. I'm actually going to read it again with the song in mind, and see what that does. You know what's funny? Excuse the advertising, but I wrote a song about domestiv violence while I was listening to the piano playing about whoever did the piano part of "Foolish Games" by Jewel. I just, I don't know, your words are really great hear. Only thing that got me was "composing a composition"
    "The soft whisper of breath crawls across the
    naked flesh. Graceful fingers trail down; a composition that only she
    could hear."

    I feel as if it would sound better that way, because composing a composition sounds a little redundant, and it sort of halters the flow of the poem. But this is really beautiful, though, and I love that' it's written prose-like. It reminds me of the prose poetry of a translated Khalil Gibran.

    PS: I think the "hereafter" is only one word. I think.
    ~Zee
    | Posted on 2010-02-28 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]


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