Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dormant Celldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 38
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 900
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 318



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDormant Celldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Equilibrium knocked off balance.
    Lack of confidence gallant.
    Talking without a voice.
    Accepting sole remorse.
    Clairvoyance is blind.
    Baptized in pure grime.
    Loving with a broken heart.
    Painting invisible art.
    Upwards I fell.
    Dormant in every cell.




    Submitted on 2004-02-12 23:01:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ahhhhhh your endings are getting much better. slightly clichéd. also noticed in your last few writes you end your lines with a period. This stumbles flow for me, but might work for others. It could be that we are brainwashed from kiddy-garten to pause at a period, but this reads fine when I let my mental monsters out to gag Mrs. Merriweather, while I read. Painting invisible art? NICE. I love when you drag out originality... try to do something about that "loving with a broken heart line"... this would be 100% original without that clichéd line... nice one this
    | Posted on 2004-02-13 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1834

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry