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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dormant Celldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 38
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 318



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDormant Celldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Equilibrium knocked off balance.
    Lack of confidence gallant.
    Talking without a voice.
    Accepting sole remorse.
    Clairvoyance is blind.
    Baptized in pure grime.
    Loving with a broken heart.
    Painting invisible art.
    Upwards I fell.
    Dormant in every cell.




    Submitted on 2004-02-12 23:01:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ahhhhhh your endings are getting much better. slightly clichéd. also noticed in your last few writes you end your lines with a period. This stumbles flow for me, but might work for others. It could be that we are brainwashed from kiddy-garten to pause at a period, but this reads fine when I let my mental monsters out to gag Mrs. Merriweather, while I read. Painting invisible art? NICE. I love when you drag out originality... try to do something about that "loving with a broken heart line"... this would be 100% original without that clichéd line... nice one this
    | Posted on 2004-02-13 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]


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