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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Wintry Blissdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aangskate
    ASL Info:    18/male
    Elite Ratio:    3.32 - 133/117/44
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 495



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Wintry Blissdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In this cold desert
    The dunes are grey and white.
    The soft and dusty sand,
    Carried gently in the wind
    Leaves a soft kiss on your cheek,
    Like a faerie brushing past.
    When the sun shines
    It dazzles and sparkles,
    Causing many to squint.
    Footsteps crunch underfoot,
    A trail that is gently strewn.
    And the silence-
    Is rarely broken by a sparrow,
    Ruffling its feathers,
    To brush off the snow.




    Submitted on 2010-03-03 19:02:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    growing up in Florida I've never seen snow
    this is quite a vivid description
    I like the flow of it
    good write
    | Posted on 2010-03-08 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very evocative of Frost. You paint a ver oggd picture here. And the quiet tone is nicely done.

    Some suggestions:

    Delete 'like in line 6 (reader understands it's a metaphor),
    In line 8, show the dazzling and sparkling rather than telling,
    Lline 11, delete 'that is' (unnecessary),
    Line 13, perhaps 'occasionally' inestead of 'rarely'?

    Again, nice work.
    | Posted on 2010-03-05 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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