rising sun perpetual by Outlaw

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Submission Name: rising sun perpetual dots

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Author:	Outlaw
Elite Ratio:	8 - 510/413/195
Words:	60

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	756
Average Vote:	2.0000
Bytes:	443

Description:
lolwut?

The picture is a meme thing, not worth explaining. some of the words in this one are just archaic and lost souls, give them a break...
innociduous: (of stars) that do not fall from the sky
teterrimous: the most foul
theomeny: wrath of god
sparsile: single star that is not a part of a constellation.

rising sun perpetual dots

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you are the sparsile star
innocuous accidental among perennials
innociduous lightsmile in a vial
of blackness; not naught, but a mar
of rising sun perpetual
in a virtual, unending castle
rosary shield guard ‘gainst
teterrimous theomeny
the blight of god’s fence--
the heart of my shell, naturally
the you, between me and there
the you in-between, and here..

Submitted on 2010-03-04 02:40:33 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i'll be back..i am digesting this one also...the pic is interesting..

the rising star, maybe, she is...or just rising away from the speaker who finds her in some way real, but unattainable...or not real, but not someone he would want to be with...

her there is his here or vice-versa...maybe on different planes...maybe he feels in another dimension, he could love this woman...but there is distance, he cannot make up.

jacob
| Posted on 2011-05-13 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
  So, I'll leave a comment on their behalves. At the bottom there. I hope they left a comment.
This was funny. I think you put the Serious category for the sake of irony. Which it is. I want to know who that chick is, actually, she looks like a pumped-up on estrogen 8-year-old. With a wig. And cellulite in her face. Collagen? What do they put now if it's not styrofoam or silicone? Ah, she's got nice hair though.
But aside from the picture, I think this poem can do a stand-alone expert job. I love the language, as divinely lost as they are. I'm glad you put up the definitions. I love my dictionary when I need it. But sometimes I just like pretending I know the meaning of words or make up my own word and make sure it's convincing enough to pass in conversation.
Anyway. I'm partial to the last few sentences. The last four. I think it's because there's no big words and no effort (sorry). But at the same, it's a great, because of how brief you are closing the poem. Some people take forever. I'm being talkative again.
I like this a lot, actually. I'm going to remember it.
HEY it sounds like rap, did you hear it when you were writing it?
I hope that's no insulting. Rap is okay sometimes. Other times it's crap. But you got to hand it to them- they're great with rhymes and meters (really? not sure, but I guess) and pacing/rhythm. And it's all here too. Except intelligent.
| Posted on 2010-07-08 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi will check out and return - promise. You may well be interested in monad`s poems - give it a try. luv joachim.
| Posted on 2010-03-05 00:00:00 | by Joachim | [ Reply to This ]
  (absorbing, quietly, for a few days, perhaps. I'll be back)
| Posted on 2010-03-04 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.