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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Form of Envydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AshKetchumLuv
    ASL Info:    17/Ladeh/Nonyabeezwax
    Elite Ratio:    6.63 - 14/15/12
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 587
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 833



    Description:
       This is just a poem based on my life, currently. My mother treats my brother- who had just returned from a mental institution for the second time- as if he were some unknown prodigy yet to discover his talent, and I'm going to be the forgotten child. And she said that he was going to be dead. Whatever, mom. Just, whatever.


    PS- WHEN I SAY UNSPECIFIED, I SIMPLY MEAN I'M NOT SURE WHAT TYPE OF COMMENTARY I WANT. That doesn't give you the right to be a total dick. There's a difference between a critic and and dickface. :/


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Form of Envydots
    -------------------------------------------


    She pushed me to my limit.
    I shoved her away from me.
    I watched her fall backwards.
    And we never glared at each other again.


    He had been gone for a week.
    And still, she treats me like the bad child.
    Like I was the one doing the sinful deeds:
    the stealing, the lying, the running away.


    What was the point in doing the right thing
    if it was only going to cause more chaos?
    And why do I feel guilty for the fact
    that he had done wrong, and she hated me for it?


    She can do as she pleases.
    She can hug him close, her arms large
    around his frail, medicated body.
    And I'll just watch in absolute envy.


    Whatever. I'll be eighteen in five months anyway.




    Submitted on 2010-03-04 09:55:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      We ask each other to be superhuman; but you are just two young women.

    The poem is good because it shows that so vividly!

    A third party in greater need of attention than either of you seems to be almost an insult. But everybody is living in this situation; it is just a [censored] to get the trick of handling it?

    That's what I understood from the poem. Is that more or less what you wanted to say?

    I'm more interested in the writing of verse than in real life, now. But on this website those two things are mostly the same thing! We can follow poets while they persuade themselves of all sorts of things, and it's no good going: "Migod don't do that
    !" or "Where is that guy in Zimbzbwe, did they get him?" Poems like theirs and yours make me feel a bit TOO detached, sometimes!

    About the verse itself: check out the apparently useless buzzword. I noticed "Whatever" and thought it might mean that you are asking yourself for more detachment - but it could mean that whatever your mother did about anything, you'd have a problem and wish you hadn't!

    I think this verse, which tells the story in several pieces which could have been put various other ways round, is part of a process of unpacking that phrase: "Whatever, Mum." I don't think there was a clear meaning to express ... yet. But yeah, more poems to write, please?

    From yours sincerely, Dickface the critic.

    | Posted on 2010-03-04 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a broken home with lots of problems in the family and in your brothers life if he's turning onto the wrong path persay. Sounds like you feel really left out and lonely
    you want someone to talk to on here just message me privatly or publicly up to you hope you don't feel so left out and lonely and I hope you forgive your mother and brother but also yourself for being jealous and your mother for being so concerned and worried about your brother while not giving you attention. I don't know what exactly but hope everything turns out good i'm 18 and waiting for everything to get easier.
    | Posted on 2010-03-04 00:00:00 | by cyberpoet | [ Reply to This ]


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